What Makes Christmas Special

I feel bad for not posting for a few weeks, but the truth is that I haven't been up to much since my last post. You can always tell when I am working because I don't seem to have anything on my mind to post--just work. I worked over the holidays which was filled with LOTS of weather delays. I did manage to keep a plane full of very delayed passengers in good spirits a few days before Christmas which made me feel good--like I made somebody's holiday a little better.

I spent all of Christmas Eve day in Portland on a layover and visited with my cousin, Jill (the one I also visited on Halloween--I get a lot of PDX layovers.) She was so sweet and I really enjoy catching up with my cousins. She made me some beautiful earrings and sent me home (back to my hotel) with a little bag of candy as my "stocking." She is so thoughtful and it really made my holiday to spend a little of it with family. She said I was an "angel" because she had been praying that she would have family visit her for Christmas since all of her (our) family live in Utah and her in-laws are all in Arizona. She also has an amazingly talented husband, Jason, who writes and produces commercials for a big advertising company. Last year he had two commercials in the Superbowl--the Old Spice ones with Will Ferrel. This year he will have four of his commercials aired during the Superbowl. He had a Nike commercial of his voted as "Best Commercial" by an ad magazine, too. But what I was most impressed with, is that he got everyone to sing a Christmas song before the dinner prayer, before we read the Nativity Story, and before the kids opened their Christmas Eve pajamas. I love singing Christmas songs. In fact, I love singing anything. A little secret about me you may not know is that my car is a karaoke machine of sorts. I love to turn the music up loud and sing along because then it sounds like I have a great voice. I'm sure there are many closet car-singers out there and I am definitely one of them, lol!

Christmas Day was spent mostly at 35,000 feet. My mom and sister had given me a few small presents to open, but I really celebrated "my" Christmas a week earlier when I made everyone open the presents I bought them while I was there and could watch. My nieces and nephew were thrilled, as you can imagine any kid would be, to get to open a few presents a week before Christmas. In fact, a few weeks ago I had asked my nephew what he was going to ask Santa for. He said, "a present." I asked, "What kind of a present?" He answered, "A yellow one." I tried to get him to clarify, but it seems he didn't really care what was "in" the box, he just wanted a yellow present. So of course, being the doting auntie that I am, I had to go and buy yellow paper and I used a big ol' box to wrap his little present. When he saw it, he just started screaming all excitedly, "A yellow present! A yellow present!" And then when he unwrapped the paper he said, "A box, a box!" and then started pulling out the tissue paper. I don't think he even cared what was inside of it. But darn it, it was yellow! (Oddly enough, yellow isn't even his favorite color. Orange is.) I don't even have to tell you all how much that little guy cracks me up. He is at such a fun age.

Back to Christmas Day, after flying all day, I landed back in NYC (Newark, NJ, actually) around 5pm and took a shuttle back to my apartment. It is basically a 3-hour drive, but I always enjoy it because we drive right through downtown Manhattan. Times Square and Broadway were packed with people on Christmas night. It was amazing to me to see the throngs of people who wanted to spend their holiday with strangers, bright neon lights, and concrete. (Maybe they were Hanukkah or Kwanzaa celebrators? BTW, do you know of anyone who really celebrates Kwanzaa? Just wondering.)

And the final highlight of my 2008 Christmas celebration was flying into SLC on Saturday for my Dad's family Christmas party. Because of some scheduling conflicts, we ended up having the party after Christmas this year, which worked out for me because I was able to attend since the airline could only work me so many days around the holidays. It may not have seemed like a big deal, but my Dad's family party is part of my holiday tradition. We play a white elephant game that we all seriously anticipate for the entire year, all competing for the funniest or coolest gift. The first gift I opened was a Bart Simpson Chia Pet; but it was soon taken in the game and I ended up with a Christmas book. Anyway, my point is that it is one tradition that I didn't miss out on. I did miss my Mom's family party but I was just grateful to have enjoyed whatever I could this year... And my Mom saved me a piece of her breakfast casserole that she makes on Christmas morning. That was a real treat for me. :)

I guess what I am getting to in all of this is that this year I realized that Christmas isn't really a day, it is a season. So even though I was working on Christmas Day, I still feel like I had a nice Christmas. And to be honest, without all the hype of opening presents on Christmas morning, I realized my favorite parts of Christmas are what really make Christmas special... traditions, spending time with family, and the thoughtfulness and sacrifice of others. Thank you for the Christmas cards with pictures of your sweet families. It really meant a lot to me to be remembered. To those I was able to spend time with, know that it was the highlight of my holiday season. And to those of you who spent time and effort to make my holiday special, thank you. I will always remember my first Christmas working away from home.

Deep Thoughts by Patti

{#1} I am in Denver for a few days before I start my two-weeks of work over Christmas. My parents are also here. Driving around with them reminded me of an incident that happened while I was in Colorado a few years ago... before I lived here. So I asked my parents, "Did I ever tell you about the time I got pulled over for throwing a cigarette out my window?" Their response was probably the same as yours, "YOU WERE SMOKING?!?!" Hello?!? Of course not! That's why it was so ironic. A cop pulled us over and said he had just seen us throw a cigarette out our window and that littering is a $1000 fine. My friend and I just looked at each other in bewilderment and then told the cop that was impossible because we hadn't even opened our windows and certainly hadn't thrown anything out--especially a cigarette. I pointed out that our car obviously didn't smell like smoke and that he wouldn't find one bit of evidence (matches, cigarettes, a pack, etc.) in our car because we don't smoke--at all. I suggested that it came from another car and somehow had bounced off our car when they threw it out. He STILL looked like he didn't believe us so I blurted out, "Sir, I promise: We don't smoke. We're Mormons!" What could he say to that? So he let us go while the real culprit was now long gone. Do real smokers ever get cited for littering? Argghhh! The moral of this story--don't get caught smoking, even if you aren't smoking. And if you do, just tell them you are Mormon.
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{#2} As my brother-in-law put my nephew in the car this morning he told him we were going to the church for the ward Christmas breakfast. My 3-year-old nephew said, "But Dad, where's your tie?" Hahahaha! He is getting so smart. When we played Memory tonight there was a parrot card (except it was labeled as a macaw.) I asked him what it was called, fully prepared to teach him that it is a parrot because who really calls them macaws? But he said "a macaw" as if it were the dumbest question I had ever asked him. I guess he schooled me, eh?! Go, Diego Go! (That's the cartoon he watches where he learns about animals and so we bought the Diego memory game with all animals.) Then, the other day I was getting him out of the car and as I held him in the sunlight, he thoughtfully looked at my eyes and said, "Your eyes are purple." "No," I said, "my eyes are brown." He then insisted, "No, your eyes are purple!" I remembered that I had put on purple eyeliner that day. I laughed and told him he was right-- that around my eyes is purple. Most males I know (with all due respect) don't even notice when I chop 6 inches off of my hair, let alone when I change shades of make-up...I told you he is smart. :) The moral of these stories--don't underestimate what you can learn from a 3 year old. And never call a macaw a parrot or you will sound stupid.
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{#3} I had a great time with my friend Jen when she came out last week. It was "short, but sweet." We wandered around Temple Square for a bit. I was so exhausted from working that I let her hang out and sleep in my hotel room with her sisters (I was laying over in SLC) and I went to bed early at my parents' house. She loved a night away from her busy life as a mom. Now I have a current picture to share of my beautiful friend. She has four kids and is still like a size 0. She looks great and just rocks! She's like the Energizer Bunny and I'm not even kidding. The moral of this story--a true friend will understand when you are too tired to play, even if she flew from out of state to see you. (Thanks, Jen!)
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{#4} I stopped in Atlanta to visit family after I finished my rotation last week. I saw my cousins' new baby and their energetic five-year-old twins. This is a picture of them from last Summer. It is sooo them! As I was flying home from Atlanta (as a passenger) I was sitting in a window seat. It was nighttime and it was pretty dark except for the guy in front of me had his light on--but he was sleeping. So the couple in the middle and aisle seat next to Sleeping Man decided they could make out... like serious, grabbing-each-others'-faces, making out. Hello!! At least they were married, and possibly were returning from a honeymoon, but still. They were practically in the spotlight for all to see because of the other guy's reading light. I kept thinking, "Get a room," but then I realized the only private "room" on the plane is the bathroom... and that image was just scary. I don't know why people "join" the mile high club in a lavatory--they are soooo gross, like outhouses almost. Not very romantic or sanitary, but to each his own (unless I have to listen to it which, thank goodness, I haven't or I SO would be pounding down the door! It reminds me of my years at Victoria's Secret--but that's a story for another day.) So I tried not to watch their hour-long make out session. But I'm not gonna lie, I think more than being annoyed, I was just plain jealous, lol. :) Sigh. The moral of this story--don't make out on airplanes because everyone can see you.
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{#5} I've decided to throw myself into my work for a while and not worry about dating. Not that I'm ruling it out, but it's so hard to keep a relationship going when I'm always travelling. I am constantly juggling my schedule and it is exhausting. I now understand why so many FA's are called "cat ladies" because they are 60 years old and never took time to date, so all they have for "family" are cats and so they just work all the time. I'm not on the cat lady fast track just yet (because I really don't like cats), but I've realized I'm like Julia Roberts' character in the Runaway Bride: I have no idea what kind of eggs I like. In case you haven't seen it or don't remember, she always changes her preferences based on who she is dating and what they like. I'm afraid I'm kind of like that. So I'm going to try and figure out what kind of "eggs" I really like. I was in one relationship or another for almost 14 years straight and the past year of not really being in one has actually been really hard for me. I have felt a little lost without cues as to what I should like. But I've been too busy whining about how lonely it can feel, instead of seeing it as an opportunity. So I'm going to savor my singlehood long enough to figure out who I am without the influence of a boyfriend, friend or my parents. Obviously there is something I need to learn in all of this. Sometimes I wonder if I "signed up" for this "class" in heaven before I came to Earth. Do you ever wonder what you agreed to do and go through in this life before you actually got here? ...Just something I've been thinking about lately. The moral of this story--don't whine about things you have to do or go through because they might just be opportunities in disguise. Make sure you know what kind of eggs you like. And don't ever become a cat lady.
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I hope everyone is enjoying the holiday season. Take time for the people you love. Take time for yourself. And know that I will be thinking of you all and hoping you are enjoying the season as much as I am. Love to all! ~p

P.S. I don't really like eggs at all. But when I do feel like eating them, it's scrambled with cheese. This I know for sure. But please, PLEASE, intervene if I ever get a cat.

Today I Am Happy Because...

One of my best-est friends in the whole world is moving back to Utah. Kim's husband just finished law school and so they are coming home! I have such awesome friends, even if I am bad at keeping in touch. It will be fun to have her here. Welcome back, Kimmie!

I played the Wii tonight with my friend. Rayman Raving Rabbids 2 has got to be the coolest game EVER!

I am making caramels tomorrow. YUM!

My parents have their Christmas tree up (with a lot of help from me, lol) and it is beautiful. It feels good to be at my parents this time of year. I could say it feels like home, but really, it IS home! Even though I still technically live in Colorado, there is no place like Mom and Dad's.

One of my other best-est friends is coming to Utah this Sunday to spend her birthday with her sisters and me. We pretty much never stop talking when we are together so I am resting up. Happy birthday, Jen! Can't wait to see you. (And sorry, I couldn't find a pic of us?!?)

Today I am happy, just because. :)

Confessions of a Sky Princess: **Celebrity Sighting!**

So Richard Simmons and I are good buds now. Hahahaha. But he did give me lots of much-needed kisses... just on the cheeks. (It's been a few weeks since I had lovin' on any level... sigh!) And I didn't even have to "sweat to the oldies"!

He was on one of my recent flights from NYC to LA and I just have to say that he is one of the nicest, funniest, and warmest people I have met. He is currently working as the spokesperson for Ocean Spray and spent Thanksgiving at Macy's in New York promoting cranberries and was on his way home the next day. When he got on board he immediately hugged and kissed the cheeks of the flight attendants at the boarding door. When I found out I was a little jealous. So he gave me a hug and lots of little cheek kisses and then sat and talked with us for a good half of an hour. He talked about how is trying to get P.E. back into the schools and encourage kids to exercise more. He is really a great guy and was more than happy to let me take a picture "for my mom" because she used to do his "Sweatin' to the Oldies" videos in the 80's when I was kid.

I don't see too many celebrities on my flights so I thought it was kind of fun. I did see Brenda Strong at JFK once. (Not my pic, but she was dressed similarly.) She is the lady who plays Mary Alice (the dead neighbor) on Desperate Housewives. She came up and asked me for directions. Unfortunately, I was brand new and wasn't much help as I was lost in that maze-of-an-airport, too. I have since figured out my way around, but haven't had the chance to give any celebrities directions.

I once saw Diane Lane, her husband Josh Brolin, and their daughters at a restaurant in Santa Monica. (Again, not my pic but similar to how they looked when I saw them.) That's my most famous celebrity sighting if you don't count that I was an extra in a movie with Brooke Shields and some other famous people whose names I can't recall. (One was a guy from that show, Simon and Simon... yeah, I'm old!) I also had some famous German talk show host on my flight from Frankfurt, but since I had no idea who she was, it doesn't really count. I think I saw some local Utah newscaster on a flight to SLC once, but I couldn't remember his name--so I guess he's not that famous, lol. That's about it for my celebrity sightings.

Please share who your most famous celebrity sighting is (besides a concert, lol). If I see anyone else of note, I'll let you know!

On My Mind...

I'm working all of this Thanksgiving week. And I worked all of last week. I'm not too sad about it although I was at first. Mainly because I was worried that I had done irreparable damage with my little texting stunt and then left for two weeks not really knowing where we were at. But alas, my friends, all is well. I think we just needed a little time to let the dust settle. No more being retarded for me. I'm actually going to have to face my fears instead of running from them.

Since this is a quickie, I'm not going into too much detail about my thoughts the past week or so except to say I realized I have some emotional issues regarding emotional closeness, letting go, feeling vulnerable, etc. that I didn't realize were still affecting me. In a nutshell, I like my job because I'm not forced to make lasting relationships (good or bad) with anyone I work with because I always work with different crews and see different passengers. It takes a lot of stress off of me because I don't feel like I adequately nourish the relationships I already have with so many wonderful friends and family. Furthermore, by limiting my acquaintances to my tried and true, thick and thin friends, I'm not running the risk of getting hurt. Sounds lame, I know, but it is actually cathartic to say goodbye to my crew after 3-4 days... instead of crying my eyes out after leaving a job with great co-workers I have grown to love. You all know how bad I am at letting go of... well, anything really. It's hard to explain, but I don't have to feel vulnerable--an unfortunate lasting effect of having my life pulled out from under me like a not-so-magic carpet.

So that's what's been on my mind. The slow realization that I can let things go. I don't have to become attached to everything. And the weight off my shoulders feels really good!

Unsaid

So I just spent a half hour writing a new blog post only to decide that it wasn't worth sharing. I was just being "such a girl!" It was a little cathartic, but I couldn't quite pinpoint where my thoughts and emotions were (and are) coming from and even if they're rational. Although we are all entitled to that, some things are better left unsaid. So I saved it as a draft, will never publish it, and I feel a little better. Some times, less is more.

Confessions of a Sky Princess: Welcome to Your New Job

This one comes from my very first day as a flight attendant. (By the way, I don’t think I’m a princess, but a lot of these other chicks sure think they are!)

She was a seemingly classy and polished flight attendant in her 40’s who was working in the back of the “Mad Dog” with me. (That would be an MD-88 aircraft.) All was going relatively well. As we set up the galley for snacks we made small talk. She asked if I was married (as if that somehow identifies people) and then she proceeded to tell me how that weekend she was “contemplating” 5 marriage proposals. Yes, five. Then she started going on about them, the pros and cons… mostly pastor/religious status and how well they could each take care of here (a.k.a. money.) Giving her the benefit of the doubt, I thought, hey, she’s an attractive lady, maybe she just knows how to work a room.

Later, once we had landed, I was happily saying goodbye to the passengers when I noticed her glaring at me, interphone (plane phone) in hand. Oooops! I realized I had forgotten to disarm my door (which means disable the emergency slide so it doesn’t accidentally deploy and hurt someone—a necessary step before any of the doors can be opened.) I took care of it and responded on my phone to the head FA that it was done. Everyone was all panicky because I guess they thought there was some sort of problem. So “Bernice” comes up and starts telling me how I am going to lose my job because I forgot that step. I believed her and started to cry. I told her I didn’t hear the announcement because my ears were all plugged up from flying and the PA system on those planes is barely audible. After I had calmed down and been assured by the Flight Leader “Susan” that I would not be losing my job, I was told that really, Bernice should have just taken care of my door or come and got me rather than sit and stare at me. Besides, we are supposed to check each other’s doors. Weirdo lady.

But it gets better. On the next leg of our flight, she brought it up again and I said I just hadn’t heard the announcement about preparing my door for arrival. So she immediately closed her eyes, folded her arms, and stepped close enough to touch my arm with her hand. Then her eyelids started doing some strange fluttering thing—like a kid pretending to be asleep, only way more spastic. Then she opened her eyes and informed me that she had just prayed that God would open up my ears… like she had done me some great act of healing.

But it gets better still! Once we got to our hotel in Richmond, she saw a sign announcing a wedding being held at the hotel that evening. While Susan and I made plans to go to dinner, Bernice said she wouldn’t be joining us because she was going to attend the wedding. “Seriously?” I asked. “Did you even bring something to wear?” asked Susan. “Oh, I’ll just wear my uniform suit,” to which I responded (while managing to keep my jaw from dropping), “So you’re going to crash a wedding in your uniform?!?” Bernice answered, “Oh yes. I have a way with people, they won’t mind. I just need to keep my mind focused and this will help me make my decision,” (about which proposal to accept.) ***People, I am NOT making this up.*** It turns out she overslept and “missed” the wedding, but STIIIIL!

And the cherry on top… The next day we were preparing the carts for the snack and beverage service. She had put the napkins in their little spot and I turned them upside so the fold was up. I didn’t learn this in training, but it doesn’t take a genius to realize that if the edges are up, every time you pull a napkin up, it comes unfolded. And when you hand out 100 of them, it ends up taking a lot of extra time to fold them all back together before graciously handing it to the guest with their beverage. (I tell you, it’s an art form, lol!) Anyway, so I thought it would make us more efficient if I turned them around. I just figured she had put them in there haphazardly and it was no big deal. But OH!… Apparently it WAS a big deal. She didn’t waste a second telling me, “It’s no wonder you’re not married. You’re such a control freak.” And she was dead serious. Not only did I think to myself, “Well not everyone can have 5 proposals to choose from!” but I also thought with horror, “Welcome to your new job!”

"Do Over"

Okay, I'm going to swallow my pride and give you the real story about what happened with Mr. Darcy...

I panicked.

We were sitting there having a nice evening. We finished up a movie and the night was still young. He had just bought a new video game and very thoughtfully asked if I minded if he played it and said we could even still cuddle while he played. I said sure, and I was really fine with it... for about 5 minutes. I was sitting peacefully listening to the hum of the game when suddenly, I FREAKED out. My mind started racing as it often (OK, always) does and I began having flashbacks of relationships past when my "man" was reduced to a video-game-playing boy. This usually happened after, oh I don't know 2-3 years, lol. But I started thinking, "Oh no! what if...." and playing out all the scenarios in my head of how this one little thing could ultimately mean the demise of our relationship. So, rather than allowing another 2-3 years before my fear could come to fruition and become a driving wedge between us, it seemed logical at that moment to just save myself the 2-3 years of heartache and, um, yeah... end things.

To make things worse, I said nothing. I simply jumped up, said I had to go because I was suddenly tired and refused his offers to walk me to my car. Then I got home and, um, sorta sent him a text that basically said, "Thanks for everything, not gonna work, see ya." ...I KNOW!!!! How retarded was that?!? I'm fessing up to my uber-humiliating display of junior-high, no elementary school antics (think of passing a note that says, "do you want to break up with me, mark yes or no" except I didn't give him any boxes to mark.) The rest of what transpired I'll keep between him and me, except to say that he is amazingly understanding (after mulling over it for a few days) and allowed my request for a "do over." This is a technique I heard about from a couple that spoke to my singles ward once, except I think they called it "start over." Same thing. The idea is that when you really flub up, you request to just start the whole incident over and do it the way you wish you had the first time. It takes a very mature person to accept such a request and to look past the idiocracy of such childish ways. Thank goodness, Mr. Darcy is just such a person, despite his occasional fancy for a video game. (Except I still feel like a retard and I think my craziness quotient still might have gone up with him.) So we're sorta back to before the spark died. Except for it's after and the spark isn't dead, if that makes sense. Whew! Close call.

Did I mention that I'm retarded? Just making sure.

Thanks, babe, you're the best!

Peanut Butter Bars (from my cousin Rochelle)

These are soooo yummy. They're like the ones I had for school lunch when I was little. (I actually liked school lunch. But even the school-lunch haters liked these!) ENJOY!!

PEANUT BUTTER BARS:
Cream together: 1 C butter, 1 C peanut butter, 1 C sugar, 2 eggs, 1 C brown sugar, ½ tsp vanilla

Mix together then add to wet mixture: 1 tsp baking soda, 1 ½ C flour, 1 tsp salt, 1 ½ C oats

Mix well then spread on a large cookie sheet. Bake at 375º for 12-15 minutes (or until golden brown). Cool slightly. Spread a thin layer of PB and cool completely. Frost (see recipe below). Refrigerate before serving.

FROSTING:
¾ cube butter, 5 Tbsp milk, 4 Tbsp cocoa, 2 ½ C powdered sugar

Mix well and frost bars once peanut butter layer has cooled. Refrigerate before serving.

Fall is My Middle Name

I love this time of year. Fall is by far my favorite season. I love crunching leaves, bundling up, pulling out all of my sweaters, making soup, Christmas shopping (I always start early), and most of all... the gorgeous, deep colors of the leaves in a golden fall sunset. Ahhhh. New York is even amazingly tolerable in the fall. The leaves are beautiful there, too, and without the heat, the subways seem to smell less.

As for the recent happenings in my life, I decided I should write a Seinfield-esque show about my job. Seriously. The funniest dang things happen at 35,000 feet. I'll tell ya what, the weirdness comes out of everyone when they travel. Everyone's OCD comes out of the woodwork, even people who don't think they have OCD. I'll have to start sharing some of the oddities I have come across... and not just passengers; Some of my coworkers are completely nutszo, too. It's some great material. On my most recent trip, the plane took off while I was standing in the aisle--in the middle of the plane nowhere near my jumpseat. And it was not my fault. The flight leader and the pilots failed to let us know in the back that we were ready for takeoff, so I was helping a mom get her toddler buckled up. It's not like I can see out the windows as I walk, and I was over the wings anyway. So to avoid falling flat on my face as we jetted from zero to 200 in about 5 seconds, I fell into the empty seat that was luckily available since the mom decided to hold the child (who was under two) and buckled up. I was laughing but kept saying, "Oh crap! This has got to be an FAA violation!" The flight attendant working in the back with me said it was a first for her to see an FA in the aisle during takeoff--and she's been working for over 10 years. (In case you were wondering if this happens often.)

As for my cute friend, Rick, well... he is just my cute friend, Rick. "We've lost that loving feeling, whoaaa that loving feeling..." It was kind of weird but we both sort of felt like the spark just died. We have fun together, but I started to feel like it was never going beyond that. He agreed. So we are truly "just friends." So cliche, but you all know that I am indeed friends with most of my exes. Of course, I can't even completely let go of a favorite old pair of shoes, let alone someone that I have really cared about. So that's the update. "Once upon a time I was falling in love..." Sorry to disappoint, but trust me, I'm disappointed too. I watched the primary program in my mom's ward yesterday and in a way, it broke my heart to see all those beautiful kiddies and the faces of their proud parents. It's something I want more than anything, but I have to accept that it may not be in the cards for me. Honestly, I could probably live without the husband part (although it would be nice to have someone to cuddle up to at night), but I don't think I can go through life without being able to raise a child of my own. Maybe I'll have to hire a "baby mama" hahahaha! Just kidding, but that show was hilarious!

Not to worry, though, 'cause life is still good! No only did I indulge in Peppermint ice cream and by making my favorite tortilla soup, but I'm going to try and pick up another international trip soon. That'll cheer me up! I have to work Thanksgiving--all week--and likely Christmas as well. However, I need to get the plate and screws removed from my collarbone soon, so I have devised a plan to have surgery around Christmas so I can get it off. I mean, so I will have someone around to help take care of me! Seriously, though, the harness I have wear on the jumpseat rubs it and it hurts, so the sooner the better. I also fell down the stairs over a month ago and am still having a lot of shoulder pain (other side). I'm just falling apart, lol! Honestly, though, I am known to be a bit clumsy and accident prone, but what's a girl to do?

I just finished reading Austenland by Shannon Hale. Another treat to feed my Austen addiction. "She believed now in earnest that fantasy is not practice for what is real--fantasy is the opiate of women" (page 180).

The most romantic line of the book is when the hero tells the leading lady, "And if I don't make you feel like the most beautiful woman in the world every day of your life, then I don't deserve to be near you" (page 190).

And the most self-revealing quote of the whole book, the one I dedicate to my dear friend, Rick, "I don't know how to have a fling. I'm not good at playing around and then saying good-bye. I'm throwing myself at your feet because I'm hoping for a shot at forever. You don't have to say anything now, no promises required. I just thought you should know" (page 190).

Long live Mr. Darcy!

Playing Catch Up Again

Where did October go? I think I might have been busy working, spending time with Mr. Darcy, and going to Disneyland with my sister and her family. I also attended my cousin's wedding (and caught yet another bouquet) and had a little discussion about my blog with my brother and cousin. Apparently I am appallingly honest and lack discretion in my writing. I could try and change, but then I wouldn't be me. However, I will begin to put my best foot forward and see if I can find my brain filter.

Before I move on, I found out my cousin Melissa is expecting again. She has already had two miscarriages at about 16-18 weeks. I have been remembering her in my prayers and would ask you to do the same... that she will be able to carry this baby full term. I can't imagine anything more painful than losing a baby or a child. She will be a wonderful mother and I hope our prayers will be answered.

And in the interest of time, I am just going to add a slew of pictures. After all, a picture is worth a thousand words... although I'm sure I could come up with a thousand words for each picture. But I will let them speak for themselves (mostly)!

A gorgeous day for a hike up Donut Falls with my favorite guy.

At the Falls. OK. I went a little picture happy. But he's so cute and it was so beautiful and fun. In all fairness, he took pictures of me. His were silly though, like when I got stuck with one leg on a rock and couldn't get the other one up. Or the horrible look on my face when I left the outhouse. THOSE will not be on my blog, lol!

At the top.







Next hike was a treasure hunt of sorts up City Creek Canyon. It's called geo-caching where you use a GPS system to locate the coordinates of something someone has hidden. We found a Christmas tin with trinkets. It was a blast! And even more fun because we took Rick's dog, Fargo.


I love "Fargo Puppy." She reminds me of my little dog that died. She is so playful.



Two of his favorite girls.

Doesn't he look like a modern-day Mr. Darcy? What a stud.

He shaved off his goatee today. I have yet to see it in person, but so far it's looking pretty good.

Next stop was Disneyland. At the Lego store I saw one of my favorite characters, R2D2. I felt like Princess Leia, "Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi; you're my only hope." ha ha ha!

My favorite little princesses.

The ladies: with my mom and sister. I guess we all do look alike--same smile.

Little Tiki kids.

Halloween party in Portland with my cousins, Sami Jo and Jill, and their adorable babies, Hazel and Cici. (Really it's Lucille after my grandma, but I suggested Cici for short and Jill kinda liked it. We'll see if it sticks.)

Have a great week and a Happy Halloween!

P.S. Was that enough pictures of Rick for ya'all?!?!

What Was I Thinking?!?

Uh, yeah... so I showed my friend Rick my blog. Yes, I knew I wrote some stupid, sappy girl stuff because I'm a stupid, sappy girl and my friends already know that. But as I read back through some of my posts I am questioning my impulsive decision. (Me, impulsive?!?) My mumbo-jumbo is clearly not meant to fall on even a whiff of testosterone. So, Rick, darling, if you are reading and you like me at all, please, please STOP READING!!

Thank you.

O.K., girls. Now the good stuff. (And if you are male and reading this, consider yourself warned!) Actually, today I just wanted to report on my weekend...besides the kissing-infused romance update. So my sweet, adorable niece was baptized and that brought a slew of family in town for the big event. I pitched in by making rice krispy treats (the secret to good ones is real butter and microwaving the marshmallows) and peanut butter bars (the yummy ones with oatmeal and heavenly chocolate icing.) You all know I love a good excuse to be in the kitchen. But I do agree that "too many cooks in the kitchen spoil the broth." It was pure chaos with two grandma's, my sister and I, and a spattering of other peeps offering to help. The best part was not the food, however, but how happy my niece was. She had a little white princess dress on and looked absolutely angelic. When Andrea bought it last month, she told Brit she can wear that dress when I get married. I tried to tell her that it probably won't still fit if I get married, but Britain seems to think it's a done deal. (I guess I'll have to find a good seamstress and a few extra yards of matching fabric, lol.)


We managed to squeeze in a family picture but I look retarded with my cell phone hanging out of my pocket. Apparently I was waiting for a big phone call or something. (So why didn't any of you call, duh. Speaking of which, how come none of you ever call? Do I satisfy your curiosity about my life with my blog thereby squashing any desires for anyone to inquire further. Well, I'm warning you, if you don't start calling, I'm going to quit blogging. Yeah right. But please call once in a while, my favorites.) So yeah, check out our family picture. And I'm not the only one who looks like a dork because we were so rushed. Not one for the archives but it'll do for my mom's Christmas cards.

I was pretty proud of myself for managing a super-duper, 12-hand massage from my and my sister's nieces and nephews. I bought five bags of Halloween candy bars for the baptism only to have my plan nixed by my sister because she didn't want wrappers all over her house. So I told the kids if they massaged my back for ten minutes, they could each have a candy bar from every bag. A bonus would be given to the last hands to give up. And if I found even one wrapper, everyone's candy would be confiscated. So how's that for bribery and manipulation. (Won't I make a great mom?) So I ended up with a darn-good 15-20 minute massage. And they were good... all competing to be the best. I highly recommend this activity if you have a lot of kids' hands around that need something to expend their energy and relax you in the process.

So, how did I do? Almost an entire blog without mentioning a boy? I'm worse than a teenager. But I am seriously amazed to meet someone with so many cool qualities. I told my cousin it was like finding my favorite things about all my exes, but without all the stuff I didn't like. He responded, "Well, that makes him Triple X." Hmmmm... how tantalizing. Crap, did I just write that? Sorry, Mom.

P.S. Shana, I don't have a picture of him and he told me last night that I can't take one of him to put on here yet. You see, he is just my "Fall Fling" for now. You know, nothing serious except someone to rave about on my blog. (I'm always looking for good material.) He said he wanted to go ice skating with me at the Gallivan Center this Winter and I reminded him that then he would have to be upgraded to my "Winter Wonderman" or whatever follows a Fall Fling. You know, 'cause we're taking it nice and slow. Maybe I'll just start referring to him, and any other guy I write about as Mr. Darcy or Wickham. Then I won't be quite so transparent. But then again, I wouldn't be me if I weren't so transparent. Sigh. Well I have a red-eye flight to catch now (still think my job is glamorous?) so I'm off.

Romance Update

Rick is awesome! We're going hiking tomorrow. He makes me laugh and thinks I'm the best. Here are just two funny pictures he texted me. One, he wrote "Patti Rules" on a $100 bill. Then, he broke a sign at work and said, "This is why I can't have nice things." Also, today he told me he was wearing his "I Love Delta Flight Attendants" t-shirt. I laughed at that one for a good while! (He was only kidding, of course.)

He has an adorable dog named Fargo that reminds me of my dog that died last year. But Fargo (see pic) only sees me as a threat right now to her main man. I'm trying to change that but for now, I have only won over his mom who gets bummed when I have to leave and says I can come back "any time." She also said she'll take care of him if he is ever anything but a perfect gentleman. I assured her he has not missed getting even one door for me.

We went shopping this past week to buy all the stuff for his ward campout that he was in charge of. We had a blast... grocery shopping. Except he thought an 8 ounce tub of sour cream would be enough for 50 people--he doesn't like it and apparently doesn't think anyone else does either. But that meant he gave me all of his sour cream and guacamole when he took me to dinner. He didn't even care that I had double of the fattening stuff and still said he was with the hottest girl in the restaurant. He says I pretty much have him wrapped around my finger. Now that's what I'm talking about!

Not exactly a Jane-Austen-dream-boy romance, but who needs dreams when reality is so much better? And I'll officially verify, YES!!! he is the best kisser EVER!

Life is good. :)

All I Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten

So what is up that my five-year-old niece, Brooklyn is fighting off the boys? I'll admit that I have taught her the value of "sparkly make-up" and good lip gloss, but it was she who pointed out at the bra shop I unwittingly dragged her to one day, that I "should totally buy" the pink and black lacy underwear and bra set because "they are so cute!" (I was only looking at the boring white bras, btw.) And about two years ago I got a call from my sister telling me I wasn't allowed to kiss my boyfriends in front of her children because Brooklyn was making weird faces one day and told her mom when she asked what she was doing that, "I'm kissing my boyfriend the way Patti kisses [her boyfriend.]" Oooooops! I didn't ever know she was watching.

So I think her parents might have their hands full when she is a teenager. Heck, they have their hands full with her now! This point was proven by the following note she received the other day from a boy in her kindergarten class:

To Brooklyn
Brooklyn why are you in love with Ethan? Brooklyn I want to have a playdate with you at my house. Are you in love with me? Mrs. Roberts is her last name. Tiffany is her first name. I liked your hair on September 22, 2008. How do you feel about being in school? You did not stare at Ethan at school the whole time you stared at me the whole time.

Love,
Tyler

It would sure be nice if full-grown men were that honest and direct. By the way, Mrs. Roberts is her teacher and she said her "boyfriend" is neither Ethan or Tyler but Jess (or was it Justin? I can't keep track.) All I can say is that I apologize to her parents for ever kissing a boy in front of her and for getting her hooked on lip gloss. (It seemed innocent enough at the time.) And furthermore, they should be more worried about her teaching me a thing a two. Because apparently she's learned a lot more about wooing boys at five than I have at 33. Yeah, uh, good luck with that Andrea and Ryan. Hahahahahahaha!

Besotted

I told you I fall fast and hard. But my cute new guy friend, Rick, is so awesome, I can't help it! We can talk about anything so I told him about my little issue and he promised to slow it all down to save me from myself. But he might be a bit smitten himself? Being a guy, however, he said it takes him a little longer to completely fall face first! So slow and steady will be our course (because you know it was going to move along pretty fast between Utah and Colorado anyway, lol!) In the meantime, I am trying to keep some balance and am setting up some dates with a few other cool guys I have met. I'm trying to get excited about them but it is hard given the amazing guy in front of me. However, I think it's a good idea so I don't get ahead of myself as I usually do. And I really don't want to mess this one up.

So, here is what I like most about Rick: He makes me smile and laugh *hard* all the time. He is always happy and optimistic. He has a great way of reacting to life's challenges. He is wise, mature and very perceptive. It is easy/comfortable to be around him and to talk about anything. I can totally be myself around him. And he's a tad on the dorky side like me... we drove around in his car singing 90's dance songs (think, "Oh. My. Gosh, Becky--would you look at her butt?") and other funny songs. We like all the same music. He even burned 4 CD's of songs for me. He also has all of the Office seasons on DVD and is "sharing" season 4. It's nice to have a single friend to hang out with and have so much fun with. And he might even be the most amazing kisser ever (and I've kissed some good kissers) but I'm so not going to confirm that because--HELLO!--my mom reads this. Ha ha ha ha! But I will say that when he told I'm "really beautiful" and then gave me a goodnight hug, it made me weak in the knees. :) Ahhhhhhh. The beginning is definitely the fun part of dating.

If You Look Good, You Feel Good

Or is it that when you feel good, you look good? Either way. As I was getting my before and after haircut pics ready to post I noticed how completely happy I am in the "after" photo. It's because I have a little secret. A secret all who know me will know that I can't keep. You see I have a terrible time keeping secrets or surprises... unless they are not mine to share. Then mum's the word. Torture couldn't get it out of me. But if it is mine to tell, you can pretty much plan on knowing it. You see, I'm much more for the anticipation of waiting to get something than springing on a surprise. (Have I explained this theory before? Sorry if this is a repeat....bruised brain syndrome kicking in--or age--one of the two.) Anyway, it's like an awesome vacation... would you rather know about it and be excited about it for 6 months or find out the day before and have "the element of surprise." So you might just know all your gifts from me before you ever get them. Then you can think about them and get excited for them for longer than a surprise lasts. Unless you think my gift sucks when I tell you about it, then it's like, "just get it over with already, Patti."

Oh, so you wanted to know my little secret. Well, I first have to explain my pictures! My hair has been driving me crazy for quite some time and the blonde highlights have all grown out so much that my gray hair was waaaay too evident against my natural, darker hair. I wanted to have my good friend Kim do my hair because she is a whiz with color. I even planned to fly on up to Michigan to have her do it. But, as it were, I could not wait until I had enough time to plan a little getaway so I had my cousin Jamie do it when I got marrooned in SLC after missing my flight due to leaving my laptop on my previous flight. Talk about a workout running from terminal B to D just in time to catch the gate agent leaving for baggage claim with my computer. Whew, close call. I was actually walking onto the jetway for Denver when I realized my mistake. And what's more, I called my Mom breathlessly en route to find my laptop to see if she could come and get me because I now had missed the last flight of the day. Just as I hung up, I saw my uncle Greg going the other direction on the moving sidewalk (moving being the operative word there, for those people who stand in the middle and don't move for those of us who are trying to move past them--oh the joys of airports.) Anyway, as we moved past each other we managed to arrange to meet so he and my aunt Freddie could give me ride home and save my mom the trip. It was fun to see and catch up with them.

So, where was I. Oh yes, so I stayed in SLC for the day and saw how cute my mom's hair was and decided to have her hairdresser, my cousin, work her magic on me. So here are the results. She is awesome, by the way if anyone wants her number. But she is having a baby in November so you may have to wait. (BTW, I couldn't get a good "before" pic so I had do a silly face to hide the bags under my eyes--it's a work side-effect. ha ha!) It's always fun to go back to the house I grew up in. There's a sort of safety or coziness sleeping in my old room. But the best part was actually having my parents sort of fight over me. I couldn't even sit down and eat some late dinner because my dad was so excited to tell me about his journalism adventures only to be interrupted by my mom wanting to show me all of her new stamps and paper. It was kind of fun. And then my mom took me out for Chinese food the next day after I got my hair done. You can tell they are empty-nesters because they never used to get that excited when I came home and they never used to buy me lunch and dinner and stuff unless it was someone's birthday. So I guess I should visit them more... which leads me to my secret.

Now that I've made it sound so exciting, it might be a let down, lol! And maybe you've guess that, drum roll, I met someone I really, really like! It was through LDS Singles though he says he will vehemently deny that's how we met. We have been texting and talking on the phone and tomorrow I am stopping in SLC for a few hours on my way to NYC so I can meet him in person. From his pictures, he seems really cute, but he could have put his brother's pictures up instead of his, lol. I guess I'll find out tomorrow. No, he is pretty candid and doesn't seem to have anything to hide. Actually, he used to be an undercover narcotics cop and did swat team (do I really know what that is, exactly?) He has a great sense of humor. He makes me laugh and smile and doesn't seem to mind that I can be pretty dorky. So I am super excited to meet him, but a little scared, too. Not just because I am nervous about a face to face meeting, but I know that I have a tendency to fall fast and hard and not come up for air for say, three or four years. And I am really not up for another heartache. So I am trying to keep perspective here. But it is so exciting and fun that I just can't stop the butterflies in my stomach. So I'll have to let you know how it goes. It might be a few days, though, because I have to work. My mom is meeting me in San Francisco on Friday and spending the day with me on my layover there... ya know, free hotel, free flights. Yeah, I'm living it up. :) Oh yeah, I'm working, right.

Anyway, I'll keep you posted. Not that I need to tell you that because this is a blog afterall. Or should I call it my BOG since my brain is pretty much a wet, marshy mess? Hmmmmm....

Welcome to My World

So I have once again entered the fabulous world of online dating. I am just starting to email and get to know some really cool guys that I hope I will meet soon. However, I just have to share the most recent exchange from a man who is 57, divorced, and has 3 kids at home. I have blocked his name in case you know him or he is your dad:
**********************************
From: Cxxxx
Subject: not pretending
Hi Roma, Me either... let's do dinner sometime. Catch ya, cxxxx

My reply:
This email didn't make it to Roma. Try again or you'll be wondering why she didn't respond to your dinner invite. :) Best wishes, Patti

From: Cxxxx
Subject: RE: RomanticComedy or Patti?
Hi Roma or Patti? Totally don't know how to handle this one! Hoping to hear from you, whomever you are, Cxxxx

My second reply:
Cxxxx, Beyond calling me Roma, I thought for sure your email was a mistake because of your age. I may not be 20, but you are 25 years my senior... my mother's age. Perhaps you have been lucky with girls my age in the past, but I am not interested in someone who has already been married, raised a family, and who could have raised me. Sorry.
I used to work for a dating service where men would always ask to be set up with women 20-30 years younger than them. However, there were never enough (if any) ladies who wanted to date a man that much older than them. I don't want to sound rude, especially given that this could be a misunderstanding, but having realistic expectations makes for a more successful dating experience. Good luck in your search. ~Patti

From: Cxxxx
Subject: RE: your wishing me good luck
Hi Patti, Not interested would have sufficed, but thank for the caring words. I've enjoyed dating both younger and older women, but obviously am still single. I guess as you are enjoying dating and have enjoyed good fortune with guys over six foot. Agreed, your age was pushing the envelope, mainly because of your not having been married and even more so, not having kids (which I'm sure you still want, and my not wanting more but glad to step parent though at least out of diapers. Anyway, no it was no misunderstanding... I'd have loved to get to know you. So, you're mother or any aunts (that are as cute as you, you know, in their own right)? Whereas you may not want to go under six feet, I don't mind whether there's an age difference or not... I'm just interested in clicking... and if that's there, seeing if it's enough to make arbitrary boundaries of age and height not seem so important anymore. So as not to sound hypocritical, I've been engaged to someone both as old as me and 20 years younger. Of course neither worked out... I don't think in either case because of age. As far as realistic expectation, my only absolute prerequisite is that there's a mutual attraction and clicking. If there is I might even be willing to change diapers again (which I was doing in the one situation). Again, 25 years was a leap... but I think your attractive enough that I was glad to take the risk of getting chewed out... A quality many women find a lot of guys on this site to be lacking. Look forward to hearing from you as always... especially know that I know I'm writing one person, not worrying that it might go to someone else. Catch ya, Cxxxx
************************

Are you kidding me?!?! Thank goodness that the delete button is much easier than trying to get out of an uncomfortable date or unwanted advance. And thank goodness I didn't write what I really thought... "You are a sick, dirty old man." I think he might be saying that I'm a hypocrite because I am only attracted to guys taller than me. But who wants to feel huge? In all fairness, I guess dating an older guy would, at the very least, have the advantage of making you feel young, right?! Even though he only requested to meet my mother or aunts, I'm tempted to introduce him to my adorable grandmothers who are both around 80 because, heh, they just might "click." :)

All I can say is, "Welcome to my world!" ~p

Goals

Hi. It's me. I'm back again all ready. No, not to rant or complain yet again. (Tired of it yet? I really need to get a dog.) I had some time to think today and decided that my problem is not that I don't have goals, it's just my goals are somewhat out of my control. I need to manage my expectations. Going back to my DodgeBall quote from yesterday... "if you do not have [goals] you are never disappointed." Disappointment is part of having goals and expectations. But in avoiding disappointment by not having goals and expectations, we have nothing to look forward to. The trick is finding a balance. Fear of failure is no excuse for not making goals. And fear and faith can not exist together--one's gotta go. So I guess I'm formulating in my head my solution. My problem is fear, brought about by all this stuff I have been complaining about. As a wise Jedi master once said, "Named must your fear be, before banish it you can."

I had to get to the root of the problem which I do by a process of elimination I call "trying on emotions." It's like trying on jeans at the store--sometimes you have to put a few on, narrow it down, and then try them on again... repeating the process until you have found the right pair. (Side note... I did this once, starting out with about 10 pairs of jeans while my darling boyfriend-at the time-sat their helping me make up my mind which took over an hour as I kept trying them all on over and over. That was Olympic-medal worthy of him. The clerks were going gaga over his patience and support.) Back to my emotional dressing room... So I have to rant and rave to get it all out so I can figure out what I'm really feeling. (Talking helps me think which explains the correlation between my racing mind and my endless chatter.) Then I can start fixing it at the root instead of hacking at branches.

This big long explanation is really just the long way of saying that I figured out that I need to set some new goals to occupy in my mind the space my unhealthy goals--or at least unattainable for now--had taken over. Could I get to the point already? Seriously. How can you read this?

So my new goal is to get in shape... like rockin'-awesome-body shape. I hesitate to put this in print because now I will have to be accountable for it. But I know that's a good thing. Don't let me down--hold me to it, OK? This goal will serve two purposes. The first of which I took two paragraphs to explain above. The second reason is that a hot bod will put me in a better position to meet my other goal that I'm putting on the back burner for now. (I'll show those 25-year-olds!) I won't bore you with the details of my plan, but I know it will take some hard work... a good distraction for me. To inspire me, I'm going to find a skinny picture of me from way back when and post it here. I'll keep you updated on my progress.

In the meantime, let me know what you do or have done to get in shape... preferably things that do not include an extreme diet since I know that won't work for me. I love food so I am still eating what I want and reducing portions while increasing frequency for my metabolism. Maybe some ideas on reducing calories or making a dish more healthy. Additionally, what do you do for exercise? And I'm not much of a gym rat, so be creative and then I'll tell you my plan which shed 15 pounds in two months for me a few years back. (And forget about the strip-tease workout... that's just playing with my mind and will distract me from my goal. Ha! ha! Who told me about that?)

...I eagerly await your replies. :) Let's go girls!

Anger is a Secondary Emotion

I thought I would throw a few of my Germany pics up. I flew into Frankfurt and drove a half hour to a little town called Wiesbaden where we stayed. It was totally picturesque and was what I had imagined the quintessential European town to be... complete with historic old buildings, cobblestone sidewalks, and cafes lining the streets.

A few notes about these pictures: I was by myself so I had to take all the photos except for a few when nice strangers offered to take it for me. Also, I overslept when I arrived so I didn't leave the hotel to see the city until around 7pm, just as the sun was setting. Thank goodness for "night shot" on my new camera! Also, I could add several more pictures, but the majority were--as you guessed--of doors! :) And don't forget you can click on them if you want to see the details of this beautiful city. (Ignore the details of my non-anti-humidity hair and make-up.)

As for my boring, non-world-traveling self... I'm over the angry stage I was so obviously in last week (and by the way, I remember the last time I felt really angry was February 2007), but I've always believed anger is a secondary emotion--that there is always an underlying emotion that needs to surface and be dealt with. What I really feel is sadness, betrayal, and self-consciousness. Ugh! So I thought I would go online and try some internet dating since I had been successful with that in the past. Uh, yeah... when I was still in my 20's. I realized it's a whole new ballgame in my 30's. I actually read a post a guy wrote who was about my age. It said he wants to have a family so he is "looking to date girls 25-30 years old." It hit me like a ton of bricks that guys in their 30's prefer, and still get, girls in their 20's--and they're apparently more fertile to boot. So I'm feeling pretty much screwed. At least it felt that way. It made me feel worse, not at all better.

So next I tried my luck with e-Harmony since a friend had good luck on that one. It was cool because it gave me a personality profile (I could share it in a later post...). However, it said that my mind speeds through life which can be overwhelming to prospective mates. I already knew I talk a lot, but apparently I also think too much. But I figured e-Harmony is pretty popular and I knew I could find LDS guys since you can preference that. After I finished all their questionnaires and it calculated my matches, it came up and said they had no matches... In the entire country not one person who is compatible?!?! Then, the next day, they sent me an email that they had a match. But two things about him were in my "deal breakers" list so I think they were stretching it (one being his height--two inches shorter than me. I'm sooo not into the Tom-Kat-towering-over-my-pimp-daddy thing). Talk about adding insult to injury. The world is blaring at me that I'm not fertile or compatible with most people. It's a good thing I didn't pay for that last website. I was only on the free trial. I should so not put any stock in such silly things, but what do I have to go on here after seeing the replay of the rejection reel over and over and over? Sigh. At least give me some popcorn.

It's all quite depressing so I'm formulating a new plan on how to expand my prospects. Unfortunately, my job is not a place to meet LDS guys since we don't pass out religious questionnaires and I'm not around any passengers long enough to strike up a personal conversation. Co-workers...hmmm. To be politically correct, 90% of the guys I work with aren't into girls--except the pilots, and they seem to be into lots of girls at once. I'm sure there are a few good ones out there, but tell me how to find that needle in the Delta haystack! And Denver isn't overflowing with potential either. I hear Orange County and D.C. have older singles wards. Maybe I need to relocate. Is it really asking so much to find a normal guy who wants to have a family? Or maybe I'm the hard part of the equation? Is wanting a guy I can feel secure wearing my heels around considered "picky?" Geesh! And you thought you had troubles because your husband won't take out the garbage. Please, for me, cherish your spouse and children because the alternative is like showing up to Hawaii with only swimsuits and shorts and having to deal with a snowstorm instead. ...Just not quite what you had in mind.

So maybe I don't seem to be "living, laughing, and loving" or celebrating each day. I'm trying but I'm having a discouraging run here, so please be patient with me while I figure out the purpose of the snowstorm on this tropical island called my life. I'm sure I'll learn something and be better for it. And since I always try to end on a happy note, I'll leave you with a few of my favorite songs (did you notice my new PlayList? Yay!) and a funny quote about expectations from the movie DodgeBall.

Kate: I'm curious, is it really apathy or do you not have a goal in life?
Peter: I found that if you have a goal, that you might not reach it. But if you do not have one you are never disappointed. And I gotta tell you, it feels phenomenal!

Plan B

It cannot be fun to read my rantings, but it sure feels nice to get it out. So one of my guy friends (and you know who you are) told me that he reads my blog and can tell I have some hostility towards men. I responded that it isn't like I've been really lucky with men. And later he said something to the effect that he's not that other guy so... And then, the very same day, he has the nerve to agree to hang out with me and then text me at the last minute and tell me it's not gonna happen. Yup, pretty much just stood me up. Now before I jump to conclusions, there could be a misunderstanding or some really good reason. And not that I blame him. He's probably scared of my no-nonsense attitude about guys ('cause seriously, I'm sooo not putting up with anymore nonsense.) Arrgghh. And so fuel has been added to my almost-extinguished fire.

It really makes me wonder what life has in store for me. I mean, it's about 1/3 over and I still am just a nomad of sorts. As my therapist put it, I'm living Plan B and not only am I subconsciously frustrated and angry about it, but I never actually had a Plan B. Who grows up playing "single." No, we all played "Mommy" with our little dolls and pretend kitchens. And then Barbies came along and we fantasized about boys (or at least Ken) and imagined if our future home would look anything like our Barbie condo. But nope... don't remember ever playing "single girl." I don't even know what to expect or what to plan for now. Who really wants to plan a future of being single, and yet it is all that is within my control to plan for. I must make really, really bad decisions about who and how long I date someone. It gives me a lot of confidence in my ability to plan the rest of my life.

So I will just keep puttering along trying to figure out what God has in store for me. And I will be even more grateful for my loving friends and family who support and accept me for who I am and what I do have to offer. You all are such seriously special people. :) You are my future and my family, and what I want to put my time and effort into. You are all the best! Thank you for sharing your lives and your families with me. It really means the world--you have no idea. It helps me so much as I learn to grow and accept the path my life has taken. You were all part of my Plan A, but completely my Plan B--and I couldn't be more thrilled.