Plan B

It cannot be fun to read my rantings, but it sure feels nice to get it out. So one of my guy friends (and you know who you are) told me that he reads my blog and can tell I have some hostility towards men. I responded that it isn't like I've been really lucky with men. And later he said something to the effect that he's not that other guy so... And then, the very same day, he has the nerve to agree to hang out with me and then text me at the last minute and tell me it's not gonna happen. Yup, pretty much just stood me up. Now before I jump to conclusions, there could be a misunderstanding or some really good reason. And not that I blame him. He's probably scared of my no-nonsense attitude about guys ('cause seriously, I'm sooo not putting up with anymore nonsense.) Arrgghh. And so fuel has been added to my almost-extinguished fire.

It really makes me wonder what life has in store for me. I mean, it's about 1/3 over and I still am just a nomad of sorts. As my therapist put it, I'm living Plan B and not only am I subconsciously frustrated and angry about it, but I never actually had a Plan B. Who grows up playing "single." No, we all played "Mommy" with our little dolls and pretend kitchens. And then Barbies came along and we fantasized about boys (or at least Ken) and imagined if our future home would look anything like our Barbie condo. But nope... don't remember ever playing "single girl." I don't even know what to expect or what to plan for now. Who really wants to plan a future of being single, and yet it is all that is within my control to plan for. I must make really, really bad decisions about who and how long I date someone. It gives me a lot of confidence in my ability to plan the rest of my life.

So I will just keep puttering along trying to figure out what God has in store for me. And I will be even more grateful for my loving friends and family who support and accept me for who I am and what I do have to offer. You all are such seriously special people. :) You are my future and my family, and what I want to put my time and effort into. You are all the best! Thank you for sharing your lives and your families with me. It really means the world--you have no idea. It helps me so much as I learn to grow and accept the path my life has taken. You were all part of my Plan A, but completely my Plan B--and I couldn't be more thrilled.