Heaven and Hell

Heaven is finding something you love, and having faith that it will last. Hell is doing something you regret and can't change, and knowing that it will last.

I seem to have experienced these bittersweet opposites... one of complete joy and the other of torture and regret. Perhaps one makes the other seem more significant. The sweet part is that I am happy to have my life back on track and to have found such a satisfying career that has so many extra bonuses. I'm excited about moving to NYC and found an apartment and roommates just yesterday. I was rather anxious about moving there and was planning to stay in Atlanta with family. But things have fallen into place so I'm going with the flow and trusting the Man upstairs.

The bitter part is once again recognizing my weaknesses in that I think I burned a bridge that I would have liked to have fortified. In the process, I have felt the tremendous pain that I once caused someone else and I fear I have lost a friend forever. Much of it was circumstantial but a great deal of it was poor judgement on my part. I'm seriously blaming it on my vulnerability after a series of unfortunate events. Thank goodness for a new year (though half over) and a new start.

The drunk who hit me was finally sentenced this past week. Among other things, he has five years of heavily monitored probation in which he likely will not succeed due to his serious dependence on the sauce. He also has to do some work with MADD or victims of drunk driving.

I "graduated" flight attendant training on Wednesday which was awesome mainly because I was no longer in Delta's version of the MTC. I also got my uniform and my "wings"--engraved with my name. My mom flew out for the "ceremony" which is a tradition, but a little over-the-top nonetheless. It was nice that the company recognizes how strenuous the training is. It was pretty draining, hell at times, but now I'm off to the skies and a little closer to my version of heaven.
I flew in yesterday for a surprise visit to see my mom in SLC. Her birthday is next week so my sister also decided to surprise my mom and showed up a few hours after me with her three kids. The looks on my mom's face both times were priceless. We had coordinated everything and even the kids managed to keep the secret. I also found an apartment in NYC. It is in lower Manhatten so it is centrally located between all three of the airports I service. My roommies are all LDS--two investment banker superchicks, and then a friend of mine from flight attendant training. They are all great girls and we all work a lot so I think it will work out well. Either way, I'm going to make it work out knowing that I am jumping head first into an exciting new adventure. I even have some time off the end of June and am anticipating my first big trip to possibly London or Shanghai --or perhaps to the doctor's for another root canal and a surgery to get the plate and screws out of my clavicle...perhaps the necessary evil of my choices, but we shall see.
I am tired as all get out and am still running on Eastern Time. I actually woke up this morning at 5AM and then waited and to get in the shower until just before 6 so I wouldn't wake anyone. What happened to this little night owl? But it's for the best since all of my flights in June leave before 7AM. See, I am already conquering my weaknesses, one morning at a time. But lest you start admiring my progress too much, I must confess that I bought a box of See's chocolates tonight and plan on finishing them off before I start my diet and exercise program in June. Chocolate and diet in the same sentence. Sigh...like I said, heaven and hell. :) Blog on! ~p

Success

I should be writing an update on my training. However, I think it is enough of an update to say that I am burned out on thinking, breathing, and (not) sleeping it. So instead I am diverting to a new topic: success.

Have you ever looked back at your life at wondered what you have to show for it? Have you ever felt the need to list successes as some sort of measure of the quality of your life but, like Nephi and Moroni, groaned at your weaknesses? I don't want to focus on the complaining part of this but rather what I have learned. Without faith and an attitude of gratitude, our weaknesses are simply stumbling blocks instead of building blocks.

I have tried to remind myself that each and every day is truly a gift. I know I have been blessed with the gift of life to fulfill a purpose, whatever that may be. Sometimes I think it needs to be something great and glorious and am discouraged by my weaknesses. Yet I am realizing that my weaknesses may somehow play a part in my success. I'm still trying to figure out how, though.

I've also decided that weaknesses are somehow strengths turned inside out. With a little effort and a lot prayer, I can turn it around. And as a side note, the first time I really knew I had a testimony was when I read Ether 12:27 and tears flowed down my face as I thought, how could he have felt so discouraged about his writings when they are so beautiful? "My grace is sufficient for the meek, that they shall take no advantage of your weakness; And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them. "

And so I leave you with a sweet story about how I imagine my Father will see my weaknesses... He will see them for what they are worth and make successes out of them, no matter how big or small they may seem. You see, the key to success is not getting everything you want out of life, but being able to see that a life lived well and full of faith is a success.

The Cracked Water Pot
A water bearer in India had two large pots, one hung on each end of a pole which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, and while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk from the stream to the master's house. The cracked pot arrived only half full.
For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water in his master's house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect to the end for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.
After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you."
Why?" asked the bearer.
"What are you ashamed of?"
"I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your master's house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don't get full value from your efforts," the pot said.
The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in his compassion he said, "As we return to the master's house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path."
Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path, and this cheered it some.
But at the end of the trail, it still felt bad because it had leaked out half its load, and so again it apologized to the bearer for its failure.
The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of your path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you've watered them.
For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my master's table. Without you being just the way you are, he would not have this beauty to grace his house."

Training Frenzy

An update on my flight attendant training experience...

Flight attendants ARE NOT pretzel princesses. We are highly trained individuals who can save lives and help avert terrorist plots. I'd tell you all about it but I'm sworn to secrecy. I swear.

I realized I'm a Mama's girl. I miss my mom who has spent the last two weeks in CAI, TLV, and AMM. (I will be speaking in airport codes from here on out so if you need assistance, please visit my new favorite sight at http://www.world-airport-codes.com/.) My dad is also there, but I mostly miss my Mom because I talk to her five times a day. She's had her phone off since she left and I feel so isolated and lonely.

Flying feels safer to me now more than ever. Airplanes are amazing! And so is the in-depth training flight crews receive. You truly should never be worried about flying. I especially feel safe knowing that if there is ever a drunk driver up there, there are always the co-pilots and air traffic controllers to save your butt.

I was corrected for using the word "airplane." It is called an "aircraft." (I think that was just a snobby instructor.)

We visited the Delta airplane, I mean aircraft, hangar where the planes (oh, whatever--she's not going to read this anyway) are serviced. Did you know that the nose of a Boeing 737 can fit inside the engine of the 777? Coooool. Did you know that I can fit inside the engine of a 777 without crouching?

I went on a training flight to ORD. When I walked onto the plane (before boarding started) I thought, "Wow. Welcome to your new office!" How can you beat an office at 30,000 feet?

We spent a Saturday in the pool learning how to do a "ditching" --a water evacuation. There are these ginormous rafts on airplanes that can hold over 60 people. However, getting into them from the water is a joke, especially with the over-inflated life vests they give you. But I think if you were wet and freezing with a sinking airplane and sharks around you, you'd have the adrenaline to figure out a way to get in quickly, so I decided not to sweat it.

I have received 100% on 7 of 10 tests, the other 3 being a 92, 96, and 98... all well above the required 90%. Yes, I am officially a flight attendant brainiac. (Really, it's just 'cause they're multiple choice, but you can be excited for me anyway.)

Today I received my ultra-fashionable uniforms. It was fun to try them on. I felt like the Flight Attendant Barbies that I just bought for my nieces.

But most of all, I am having fun (though missing my fam), excited to move to NYC, and ecstatic about all the fun people and places I will soon get to visit. Jealous? They're still hiring. :) ~p

Getting To Know Me

I keep getting these fun emails from friends with random information. I like to read them but have been pretty lazy about filling one out and sending it on. So although I sent this to a few of my peeps, I am posting it here for your reading enjoyment...

1. What time did you get up this morning? 7:30 AM
2. Diamonds or Pearls? diamonds all the way... except I don't have a single real one
3. Last movie that you saw in cinema? 27 Dresses
4. What is your favorite TV show? Grey's. Housewives, and The Office
5. What do you usually have for breakfast? cereal, oatmeal, or Slimfast-- but always a Diet Coke
6. What is your middle name? Ann
7. What food do you dislike? red and green peppers and anything spicy medium or hot
8. What is your favorite CD at the moment? a mix I made with all my favorite songs... everything from Sweet Caroline to Billie Jean to Jack Johnson's Hope and Sondre Lerche's Modern Nature--the sing along kind of songs
9. What kind of car do you drive? Chevy Malibu Maxx
10. Favorite Sandwich ? Turkey and Swiss on fresh bread
11. What characteristic do you despise? negativity
12. Favorite item of clothing? my Cabi jeans
13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? All over Europe
14. Favorite brand of clothing? Don't care about brands, just style
15. Where would you retire to? a quiet country cottage, but close to civilization; or a yacht and cruise all over with my honey (the yacht doesn't seem realistic though... and sometimes neither does the husband)
16. What was your most recent memorable Thursday? I have no idea (I don't remember what I did last Thursday!)
17. Favorite sport to watch? Football
18. Furthest place you are sending this? probably London
19. What day are you looking forward to on your calender? May 21--when I graduate Delta training
21. Are you a morning person or a night person? night all the way
22. What is your shoe size? 9-91/2
23. Pets? not currently, but would like a small dog
24. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us? Today I got all my new flight attendant uniforms. Fun! :)
25. What did you want to be when you were little? a movie star or a banker (b/c my Dad said they make a lot of $$)
26. What is your favorite candy? See's chocolates -- the nuts and chews
27. What is your favorite flower? two-toned roses
29. What is your favorite smell? Men's cologne mixed with minty gum (Yeah, the "I want to kiss him and he wouldn't smell so great and be chewing gum if he didn't want to kiss me, too" smell!)
30. What are you listening to right now? the hum of the air conditioner in my hotel room
31. What was the last thing you ate? a rice crispy treat
32. Do you wish on stars? not usually, just once in a while when I'm feeling wistful
33. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? light pink
34. How is the weather right now? not sure, I haven't been outside long enough in the past 3 weeks to be able to tell; maybe 75-ish and sunny?
35. How are you today? tired and lonely; I miss everyone :(
36. Last person you spoke to on the phone? my sister Andrea
37. Favorite soft drink? Diet Coke or Diet Dr. Pepper
38. Favorite Restaurant? Iggy's in Utah
39. Hair color? light brown/dark blond (somewhere in there)
40. What was your favorite toy as a child? my Winnie the Pooh doll
41. Summer or winter? summer
42. Hugs or Kisses? depends on who it's from--probably hugs
43. Chocolate or vanilla? chocolate
44. Who is the friend you have had the longest? Desi
45. When was the last time you cried? last Friday
47. What is under your bed? "my" bed has CD's, DVD's, and my 72-hour backpack; the hotel bed I've been sleeping in for the past 3 weeks--nothing
48. What did you do last night? went to bed early
49. What are you afraid of? never having kids, never getting married, and someone in my family getting in a bad accident
50. Salty or sweet? salty
51. How many keys on your key ring? 5 or 6 (who really cares?!?)
52. How many years at your current job? 3 whole weeks... and a day
53. Favorite day of the week? Sunday
54. How many towns have you lived in? 8, plus 4 more on my mission
55. Do you make friends easily? I think so... are you really my friends?!