Rest In Peace

I think that rest is supposed to rejuvenate us but I've never been a very good sleeper. I don't sleep deeply so I never feel very rested. There was one time I remember the deepest and most peaceful sleep I have ever had. It was dreamless. I wasn't thinking or worrying about anything, just resting peacefully, deeply. It was a beautiful thing. So I was totally unconscious at the time, but I often crave that kind of rest. My mind is always going a million miles a second and to have it just stop completely for even a few moments, whether conscious or not, is lovely.

I ran out of my Ambien and have yet to get to my doctor's for a refill... she wants me to visit her before she'll refill it again. She's in Colorado so it's been a little difficult to get in to see her. Actually, she's my shrink. It might be good to visit her. I really need some Ambien. I really, really need a good night's rest. (And most of all, I need to turn my brain off for a few moments.) What am I going to do if I ever have children?!?! I don't function well without a good 8-9 hours of sleep. I will probably be a very grumpy new mommy. Maybe it is meant to be that I never have children. I seriously don't think I would have the energy to keep up with an infant, let alone a toddler or multiple children. I've always been kind of low energy and I'm not sure why. I had my iron checked and that wasn't it... maybe my blood sugar issues... but likely my lack of restful sleep.

I had a boyfriend once that asked me if I get tired because I talk so much. I told him it wasn't the talking that makes me tired, but the reason behind the talking... that my mind NEVER stops racing. So maybe if I could turn it off and stop talking and thinking for a while, I would have a normal level of energy. Until then, I'm just going to try and get my Ambien refilled so I can rest in peace.

My Current Lodgings

In all my photo-exploring today, I found another picture of where I live now. It's hard to really see it, but the main house is on the right and the guest house is through the trees, on the left, above the garage. This pic is taken from the back yard near the pool.
The living room is to the right of the front door and the bedroom is on the other end, left of the bathroom window. There is a large deck at the top of the stairs. (You'll definitely have to enlarge this photo to see what I'm talking about.)
This is a view from the front. This is the end with the living room. The stairs and front door are to the left.
Oh bother. It's too hard to really get a feel for it. I guess you'll have to come and visit me to get a really good gander. (BTW, Thanks again, Becky and Gary for being so generous!)

Happy Birthday Mom!

Today my mom is 58. I wanted to do a special tribute for her and so I decided to dig up some old pictures and share them with our family and friends. I could say a million wonderful things about my mom but I'd rather spend time with her today than sit here typing.

I will say, however, that as I mentioned below, she is in my fave five. In fact, she's at the top of my list. If she didn't call me every day, my phone would hardly ring. My siblings tease her about how much she calls us and it use to drive me crazy too. Then my parents spent 18 days in the Middle East and I kid you not, MY PHONE DID NOT RING. I realized how much I actually liked her calls when I quit getting them. It's not that she always has something to say, exactly, or that she calls at the best times. But it's nice to know someone is always thinking about me. Her kids and grandkids are always at the forefront of her thoughts.

I also have to say that my mom is very patient with me. It's sad, but true, that I always seem to take out my frustrations on her. Yet she always takes it in stride. In fact, she does whatever she can to cheer me up. She is always there for me no matter what. After a major heartbreak, she came home one day and found me lying on the couch staring into space. She knew what had happened because I was a wreck for several days. She asked me how I was doing and I could not respond except to start sobbing. She asked what she could do and through my tears I said I didn't know. So she simply went and got a box of Kleenex for me, knowing I would go through several before I could stop crying. For some reason, that really meant a lot to me and I have never forgotten it.

She took our family to Bermuda last year which was a huge treat. On the last day, I really wanted to see Fort Hamilton and no one would go with me. So my mom said she would so I wouldn’t have to go alone. We ended up running through a tropical rain storm at the end to catch our bus. We were absolutely drenched. Instead of being annoyed with me, she laughed it off as part of our adventure. Two months later, she was the one who attended my graduation from flight attendant training and pinned my wings on me.

She has bailed me out so many times when I have left something for the last minute (which is always! lol). She dropped everything to finish the quilt I made for a guy for Valentine's Day since he was picking me up in 30 minutes and I still hadn't showered. By the time he came, she had it finished and wrapped. She gave up a week of her new found freedom (after being laid off) to drive with me across the country even though (again) I KNOW she didn't really want to. And she has learned that if I am not fed at regular intervals (I have blood sugar issues) that I get very grumpy... so she makes sure I keep food in me when we are out (although it might be more for her benefit since I can really be a bear when I'm hungry.)

My mom taught me how to cook and sew. She taught me how to serve others. She taught me how to take crap without complaining. She taught me to be creative and to work hard. She is cheerful, talkative, optimistic, and just plain nice. And she is beautiful. My mom has the most amazing and flawless skin. She hardly has any wrinkles. I'd like to say I am my mother's daughter... but I have a long way to go in some areas, such as gardening. I did not inherit her green thumb, but I did learn from her how to pick out the best produce at the store.

Thank you, Mom, for all you do and for all you are. I love you! Happy birthday!!

These are shots my dad took of my mom when they were dating. I showed him today and he said he had forgotten "how hot she was" back then. Um, yeah... SMOKIN' hot!! (You can click on them to enlarge.)

Holiday Weekend in Denver and Utah

I had a few days off and went to Denver for my niece's kindergarten play. I was planning to go back to ATL for work over Memorial Day weekend, but at the last minute someone picked up my shift and so I was able to go to Utah to visit with family. My cousin got married on Saturday and so everyone was in town. Andrea brought the kids and between the ceremony and the reception, we entertained them at Hill Air Force Base's airplane museum and then we happened upon an old train station/museum in which the kids could explore a railway yard. It was a lot of fun to take pictures of them... with my sister's camera, that is. Argghhhh!!! I am so frustrated that my new Nikkon (9 months old) is broken and will be spending 2-3 weeks in the shop getting repaired. So these might be the last decent pics I get for a bit.

Brookie was Queen Crabby Cabbage and said her lines so well. I know I'm biased but I think she was the best. She had everyone in stitches. She definitely has a flair for the dramatic!

Andrea promised the girls their first pedicure before going to Utah for the summer. I helped them pick out their nail polish.

Brit looooved getting pampered! She said on the way home that she was "treated so well."

Yeah, my nephew is a stud, lol.

At the old railroad yard.

I couldn't resist climbing on the railway cars too, even in my dress.

I think the trains were their favorite part of the day.

At the station.

Fears and My Fave Five

I spent a few days in Denver last week to see my nieces perform. My mom also flew to Denver for the occasion. She went there to help my sister drive to Utah with her kids. I'm not gonna lie... that made me sooOoo nervous. To me, that was like having the President and the Vice President flying on the same plane! My five most favorite people in the world--all together in the same car on the unpredictable highways between Denver and Salt Lake City. My biggest fear in life is something bad happening (some sort of tragic accident) to people I love... getting that terrifying phone call or knock on the door. I have a panic attack whenever I follow my sister driving with her kids. I cannot imagine having to watch something happen to them. I'm not even scared about me getting into another car accident but somehow it has transferred to a fear of something happening to someone else. I deeply understand the reality of just how dangerous driving anywhere can be. The fact that I rarely drive much now--because I am usually flying-- doesn't help. And I'm not just talking about road trips. They are probably safer because you are on a highway versus surface streets with intersections and traffic lights.

I thought I was over it. But when I get that low rumble of fear in my gut that gains strength and momentum as it rises through my chest and into my head and extremities, I realize I am far from "over it." Will it ever go away? ...The fear, I mean? My doctor gave me Valium to take if I ever have a panic attack, but that isn't so useful when I'm stuck in traffic watching an ambulance take someone away while I am hyperventilating. I was doing so well in terms of moving past the fear, but I am told it is common to have "relapses," especially if something triggers it--like seeing a bad accident, being separated from people I love, etc. But all in all, I have to say that I feel like a survivor, not a victim. I thank the Lord every day for my life and the people in... for the chance to know and love them, to experience the little things in their lives and mine; I consciously strive to make each moment matter, though I often fall short, because I cannot get it out of my mind that it can all be gone in an instant. I am ever grateful for the daily reminders of this precious truth. I pray for peace and direction and to know how to really live my best life. I even recently prayed that I wouldn't want things I couldn't have and I have felt an even greater peace in my existence and the richness of my life.

It just goes to show how intertwined fear and faith can be. I believe that any trial, any fear, and any heartache can be turned inside-out with a spirit of gratitude and optimism to refine us and help us to be our best selves. Life is the greatest of all schools. Heartache is the greatest of all teachers. And love is the greatest of all healers.

My Hero...

Last week I was talking on the phone to my friend, Dave. He seemed distracted and said he would have to call me back. When he called me back about 30 minutes later, he told me that he saw a guy driving very erratically and thought he might be intoxicated. So he got off the phone with me to call 911. With the police on the phone, he followed a safe distance behind the driver until the police where able to pull him over. Then Dave had to wait around so he could give a statement about all the crazy things this driver had done... crossing the median, running stop signs and stop lights, etc. The sad thing was, it was about 10 am. The officers were not able to confirm to him if the man was indeed intoxicated (for legal reasons, I'm sure) but the man was arrested on the spot and Dave said they were pulling all sorts of stuff out of his car.

I was grinning like an idiot the rest of the day when I thought about it. I was very proud of my friend for taking the time to get someone so dangerous off of the road. I used to think that nighttime was the most dangerous time for drunk and drugged-up drivers, but I was hit at 8 am and this was at 10 am... you really just never know. So if you see someone who "appears to be intoxicated" (as the police prefer to say until it is confirmed), PLEASE call 911 immediately. The life (or lives) you save could be someone you love. THANK YOU, DAVE!!!!!!!!!!

And now a few pics from the last couple of months:

This is at Time Out For Women with my sister. It was a great conference and I really enjoyed all the speakers and musicians who performed. It was also nice to spend time with my sister. :)

On the drive from Denver to Atlanta, my mom wanted to stop and see the Kit Carson Carousel in Kansas. It was kind of cool, but the museum was closed and it was hard to see the carousel because it was in a building.

Going to Liberty Jail was so amazing. I had been here before many years ago as a teenager, but I didn't really understand its significance back then. For those who don't know, this is the jail where the Mormon prophet, Joseph Smith, and several other early Mormon Church leaders were kept unjustly for four freezing cold months. They never even had a trial. The reason it means so much to me is because of a talk I recently read about how regardless of our surroundings, we can always dedicate our lives to the Lord and use our trials to learn. Read the talk here: "Lessons From Liberty Jail" by Jeffery R. Holland
Read more about what happened here: Liberty_Jail

Has anyone seen my Superman? He seems to be missing, lol! This was in Metropolis, IL, supposedly home to Superman. (Wasn't he born in Smallville and then moved to Metropolis as a reporter? Just wondering.)

I'm not in love with this picture of myself because it was taken after driving across the country for 3 days. But the scenery here in Georgia is so pretty. This is Starrs Mill near my Aunt and Uncle's place.

Family Is Everything

I've been a little busy lately... moving across the country! I had a few weeks off of work and enjoyed spending time with my sister and "my" kiddies (my sister's actually!) before I took the plunge and drove my car to Georgia. But first I snuck in a quick trip to California for a (ughhh!) singles' conference. (Whoever said marriage is hard, should try dating at 33 within the Mormon culture... ladies, CHERISH your husbands! Yeah, I know--the grass is always greener...) Pretty much it was a total bust, but that's a story for another day.

I am still settling into my uncle and aunt's guest house after a great deal of dusting, sweeping, and scrubbing. It's been uninhabited for a few years except for the bugs that made themselves at home. They're gone now, thanks to help from my mom and a lot of elbow grease. She took the time to drive all the way across the country with me. We stopped at a few fun sites on the way. I need to get the pics from her so I can post some. Anyway, the guest house is beautiful and I feel so blessed for the generosity of my family. Can I just say how much I love my family... all 200 or so of my aunts, uncles, cousins, and all of their kids and spouses?! I can honestly say there is no place in this world I could visit that would bring me the joy that spending time with my family does. I know that sounds cheesy, but it is one of the truths I have come to know in my own life... family is everything! When I realized how short my life could have been, I didn't think about all the stuff I haven't done or all the places I've never been. I thought about all the beautiful moments I would miss with those I love and all the things about each of them I would never find out.

I'll take some pictures of my new place soon and get them posted. I have a few days until I'm off to work again, and then to visit "my" kiddies. Brit has her first piano recital, Brook has a part in her kindie play, and I'm pretty sure Austin will come up with some way to make me laugh while I'm there. In the meantime, here is a picture of part of the backyard. This place is so beautiful and inspiring. And I have an extra bed in my little place if anyone wants to visit.

~Hugs, Patti