Rest In Peace

I think that rest is supposed to rejuvenate us but I've never been a very good sleeper. I don't sleep deeply so I never feel very rested. There was one time I remember the deepest and most peaceful sleep I have ever had. It was dreamless. I wasn't thinking or worrying about anything, just resting peacefully, deeply. It was a beautiful thing. So I was totally unconscious at the time, but I often crave that kind of rest. My mind is always going a million miles a second and to have it just stop completely for even a few moments, whether conscious or not, is lovely.

I ran out of my Ambien and have yet to get to my doctor's for a refill... she wants me to visit her before she'll refill it again. She's in Colorado so it's been a little difficult to get in to see her. Actually, she's my shrink. It might be good to visit her. I really need some Ambien. I really, really need a good night's rest. (And most of all, I need to turn my brain off for a few moments.) What am I going to do if I ever have children?!?! I don't function well without a good 8-9 hours of sleep. I will probably be a very grumpy new mommy. Maybe it is meant to be that I never have children. I seriously don't think I would have the energy to keep up with an infant, let alone a toddler or multiple children. I've always been kind of low energy and I'm not sure why. I had my iron checked and that wasn't it... maybe my blood sugar issues... but likely my lack of restful sleep.

I had a boyfriend once that asked me if I get tired because I talk so much. I told him it wasn't the talking that makes me tired, but the reason behind the talking... that my mind NEVER stops racing. So maybe if I could turn it off and stop talking and thinking for a while, I would have a normal level of energy. Until then, I'm just going to try and get my Ambien refilled so I can rest in peace.