Update on My Lost Wallet (and Mind)

My friend Sarah, who by the way is one of the coolest girls I have ever met, lives in Atlanta. She is also a flight attendant and kindly offered to pick up my wallet and bring it to me in NYC so I don't have to go to Atlanta. I am soooooo grateful. Seriously she saved me a lot of time and headache. Now, I just have to hope my replacement credit/debit cards come in the mail tomorrow before I leave to go back to NYC or I am screwed for the next week. Sigh. It really sucks being so retarded.

I've had some R&R over the weekend but my voice is still gone. My poor mom just found out she has pneumonia and thinks I might also. She has been home from work for a week and can't go back for another week. My mom never misses work for being sick, at least not more than a day. She's pretty tough but this has really kicked her butt. On the other hand, although I cannot talk and often can't breathe since last week (and most of December except for those few days I wasn't sick around New Year's), I am not able to miss any more work. What, with falling down the stairs in October (jacked up my shoulder and had to keep it in a sling for two weeks) and a bout of bronchitis in December, I will actually get written up or fired if I miss another day of work. Is that fair or even legal? Unfortunately, yes. I looked it up. It would be on the basis of not complying with the attendance policy. I guess they can't hold up a plane full of people for my sick, sorry hiney. So off to work I go.

R to L: Sarah, Breann, Steph and Me arriving in New Orleans. This was my second trip with Sarah and we have such a fab time together... laughing and laughing and trading boy stories like we're 14 again. I can honestly say this was the coolest crew I have ever worked with. I knew Steph before this trip, too, but it was our first trip together. And Breann was just the cherry on top of this rockin' awesome crew that I worked with for three days. I hesitated to post this picture because I look so haggard, but mind you, I had worked four flight legs that day. And my collar is messed up. That really, really bugs me. I seriously make everyone wait after the security check when I put my jacket back on because I have to make sure my collar is just right. Anyway, it's messed up here and I'm bugged; but I had to show you my heroine, Sarah! And all she said to me was, "Silly Patti." (Because she knows that I already know that I am a certifiable ditz.)

P.S. Did I mention, Sarah, that you are seriously so cool? I'm totally jazzed about Hawaii and Italy this Spring. Remember the fortune (in said lost wallet) that our plans will work out? I soOo owe you. Thanks! You rock. You're a great friend!

Booty Call

Is it me, or do we live in a demented world? ...Just saw this ad when I was trying to get on Facebook:

Find a Booty Call
Don't Promise Marriage - Just Date!
Search For People Who Want Booty
OnlineBootyCall.com

I'm pretty sure they ain't offerin' pirates' "booty." I didn't actually check out the ad, but seriously, doesn't this just say it all? Just sayin'.

I've Lost My Mind!

It's a little ironic to me that I have the most to blog about when I don't have time to blog. Probably because I'm so busy with my adventures--and misadventures, ahem--to sit down and write about it. It seems I always have a blog running through my crowded little head. And so I sit to write, wondering where I should start...

How about with my recent propensity for forgetting and losing things. I can honestly say that "of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most." I'll follow that with the disclaimer that I'm not accustomed to losing things. In fact, rarely, if ever, have I been one to lose or misplace something. Even when my room is packed full of things with piles everywhere, I have been able to find anything I needed within a few moments. I can remember three whole times when I lost something major or left it somewhere (and I'll save those stories for another day.) So what went wrong? I'm going to blame it on Mr. Drunk-as-a-Fish because my mind went downhill after our encounter.

The first evidence I had of losing my mind was when I couldn't conduct a fluent conversation while in the hospital. I figured it was just the narcotics and a little bit of trauma, shock, whatever... but while I quickly learned how to speak fluently again, I found that I would often have that "on the tip of my tongue" sensation. Not like once every week or so as happens to everyone, but like, 15-20 a day! I couldn't remember words, names of people, etc. I could remember my friends' names, but perhaps not their husbands' or kids' names. It was very frustrating because I have always had a great memory (just ask any of my exes, hahaha!) Then one day I woke up and I couldn't exactly remember my name. I kid you not. It only took a moment of concentration to remember that my name is Patricia; But I seriously sat in bed for at least a few minutes trying to put my finger on what people call me. "It isn't Patricia... hmmm, oh yeah--Patti! But do I spell it with an 'i' or a 'y'?" That's when I started freaking out and consulted my doctor who suggested that I had likely received an inner concussion during the crash. Although I had not hit my head on anything, just the 95mph impact caused my brain to rattle around in my head causing some level of bruising (like shaken baby syndrome). The result is that as the bruised tissue starts to heal, it creates scar tissue which is thicker and more difficult for the neurons to get through. It supposedly can take around one to two years to heal, and may never heal completely. It's like those nasty bruises that leave a lump as they heal which eventually shrinks and goes away after time. Wow! (And I'm sure that the narcotics only added to my brain health...and the lack of oxygen at 35,000 feet where I spend a lot of time these days.) Well knowing is half the battle so I have learned to not get so frustrated and just work around my slowed-down mental capacity. It may actually be a bit of a blessing because sometimes I actually have to think before I talk, lol. :)

And then there is the other "half of the battle." I'm not gonna lie... I have turned into a complete ditz! Although it can be maddening at times, I just laugh at it because I know that I really am sharp, or at least that I was. So my little "moments" just provide fodder for my amusement (and business for Google as I look up everything that I can't quite place.) That is why my blog name is "laugh with patti." (And of course, the "live" and "love" parts are due to my increased to desire to live each moment to the fullest and to cherish relationships--the most important part of life.) So now for the evidence of my mental deterioration... this is where the laughs come in--although sometimes not for a few days and a few tears later when I am finally able to put it all in perspective.

I left my purse in an airport. I realized once we hit about 10,000 feet and the kind flight attendants on the Southwest flight in which I was a passenger, had the captain radio back to SLC so the gate agents could get my purse before someone else did. I landed in Denver 90 minutes later with a message that they had my purse and could send it to me. But where? I wouldn't be in any one place for the next week. I was in SLC going to Denver for a day and then leaving for NYC to go to work, meaning I would be flying somewhere else from there. Besides, all my money and credit cards where in it that I needed--oh, and my car keys so I could get home from the airport. So I had to think quickly and within 30 minutes of landing, I was back on another flight, this time to SLC to pick up my purse. I tried to think it all though... I would have to run from the Delta terminal across the airport to the Southwest terminal in about 15 minutes so I could catch the last flight of the night back to Denver--that is, if I could get on that flight as a standby passenger. But, when I ran to the SW terminal, they had just taken my purse to baggage claim. So I ran from the end of the terminal, all the way downstairs and one of the SW employees kindly met me at security and brought my purse through so I didn't have to go through security again. What a pain, and how embarrassing. Everyone was so nice though, so I bought the ground staff a box of See's chocolates in gratitude as I was running back through the airport to catch the flight. I barely made the flight only to find the pilot was the same one I had been talking to before I left the first time (the time when I had left my purse.) He was surprised that it had taken me "so long to get on a flight" until I explained I had already been to Denver and back. He laughed and laughed and told the entire crew. They were also very nice to me. Happy ending! (The above pic is me in New Orleans last week with said purse.)

That was December 30th. Then, on January 8th, last Thursday, I went to tip the shuttle driver in NYC and couldn't find my wallet. I figured it was in the bottom of one of my bags, so I gave him the cash in my pocket. Then, to my horror, I searched all my bags inside my apartment and there was no sign anywhere of my wallet. Arggghhh! I had left it in the Atlanta airport when I stopped for dinner at the food court. I spent the evening and all of the next morning trying to track it down with no luck. I cancelled all of my credit cards and tried to figure out what to do about my driver's license. I still had my CA driver's license and unless I went back to Cali to get a replacement, I would need to take a written and a driving test and then wait 48+ hours for a background check. Or, I could wait to have my Cali driving record mailed to me and then take it in to Colorado for a CO dl. But I'm moving to Utah in the next few months, so wouldn't it make more sense to get one there? And how would I even pay for a new or replacement license because I now have no access to my cash--no ID, no cards. Hmmmm... so I stressed about all that until I decided to fly to California (scrounging up a dollar in change for the shuttle driver so I could get to the airport), stay with my friend Jen and borrow money from her for the replacement license until my new credit/debit cards came in the mail or I could use my new driver's license to get money from a teller. She was pretty dang excited for me to come for a "visit" despite the circumstances. I didn't sleep too well that night at her house due to visions of sugarplums (that were purchased with my credit card) dancing in someone else's head. It didn't help that I was awakened at 5:30 in the morning by a phone call. But this was a good phone call... it was the Atlanta airport calling to say they had found my wallet. I was beyond ecstatic! Except for I still have to wait for my new cards to come in the mail since the old ones are cancelled. And I now have to fly to Atlanta to pick up my wallet. (When I pick up my wallet at the lost and found, I think I might check and see if my mind is there, too.) And not to mention, that I have been driving without my license because what else am I supposed to do--hire a taxi...with still no access to my money?!?! But alas, another happy ending and I am grateful my wallet--and all my personal information--is safe and sound. Geesh! What do people do who can't fly for free when they leave important stuff all over the country? My friend Rick asked me how I survive. Truthfully, I'm not really sure, lol!

And these are just two examples. I didn't even go into the time I left my airline ID at my parents while on a layover in SLC. My mom had to race 80mph to the airport so I wouldn't get written up. Or the time I mistook ironing water I had put in an empty body splash bottle for actual body splash and sprayed it all over me to freshen up while on a date--and it was a little sour. I smelled awful! And then there's all the little things. Soooo not like me. Now I know all of you mommies out there are thinking you've lost your mind, too. But reminder, I haven't had children yet. Perhaps it comes with age, but not so dramatically overnight. I am seriously just losing my mind! But I still think life is grand and find lots to entertain me, even if it is myself.

In other news... As the pictures suggest, I went to New Orleans for the first time! It was, well, interesting. Bourbon Street was like sensory overload--and I went just before Mardi Gras started. I can't imagine going during Mardi Gras. It's definitely not a place to take kids. We went to a piano bar which was so much fun! I was, of course, the designated "walker" to make sure my crew got back to the hotel safely. And FYI, the beads I am wearing are NOT from me flashing anyone, as is the custom (as IF anyone would offer me beads for my set, lol.) I got them from a hobo who said I just needed to shout, "I love the Lord!" Okay... easy enough. The French Quarter, however, was rather impressive and I hope to go back when I have more time to take some pictures. (Remember my door obsession? And I found out the street where the Jolie-Pitt place is. Yes, I am a stalker.) For now, I have included a few pictures for your viewing pleasure. Until next time... ta ta.

What Makes Christmas Special

I feel bad for not posting for a few weeks, but the truth is that I haven't been up to much since my last post. You can always tell when I am working because I don't seem to have anything on my mind to post--just work. I worked over the holidays which was filled with LOTS of weather delays. I did manage to keep a plane full of very delayed passengers in good spirits a few days before Christmas which made me feel good--like I made somebody's holiday a little better.

I spent all of Christmas Eve day in Portland on a layover and visited with my cousin, Jill (the one I also visited on Halloween--I get a lot of PDX layovers.) She was so sweet and I really enjoy catching up with my cousins. She made me some beautiful earrings and sent me home (back to my hotel) with a little bag of candy as my "stocking." She is so thoughtful and it really made my holiday to spend a little of it with family. She said I was an "angel" because she had been praying that she would have family visit her for Christmas since all of her (our) family live in Utah and her in-laws are all in Arizona. She also has an amazingly talented husband, Jason, who writes and produces commercials for a big advertising company. Last year he had two commercials in the Superbowl--the Old Spice ones with Will Ferrel. This year he will have four of his commercials aired during the Superbowl. He had a Nike commercial of his voted as "Best Commercial" by an ad magazine, too. But what I was most impressed with, is that he got everyone to sing a Christmas song before the dinner prayer, before we read the Nativity Story, and before the kids opened their Christmas Eve pajamas. I love singing Christmas songs. In fact, I love singing anything. A little secret about me you may not know is that my car is a karaoke machine of sorts. I love to turn the music up loud and sing along because then it sounds like I have a great voice. I'm sure there are many closet car-singers out there and I am definitely one of them, lol!

Christmas Day was spent mostly at 35,000 feet. My mom and sister had given me a few small presents to open, but I really celebrated "my" Christmas a week earlier when I made everyone open the presents I bought them while I was there and could watch. My nieces and nephew were thrilled, as you can imagine any kid would be, to get to open a few presents a week before Christmas. In fact, a few weeks ago I had asked my nephew what he was going to ask Santa for. He said, "a present." I asked, "What kind of a present?" He answered, "A yellow one." I tried to get him to clarify, but it seems he didn't really care what was "in" the box, he just wanted a yellow present. So of course, being the doting auntie that I am, I had to go and buy yellow paper and I used a big ol' box to wrap his little present. When he saw it, he just started screaming all excitedly, "A yellow present! A yellow present!" And then when he unwrapped the paper he said, "A box, a box!" and then started pulling out the tissue paper. I don't think he even cared what was inside of it. But darn it, it was yellow! (Oddly enough, yellow isn't even his favorite color. Orange is.) I don't even have to tell you all how much that little guy cracks me up. He is at such a fun age.

Back to Christmas Day, after flying all day, I landed back in NYC (Newark, NJ, actually) around 5pm and took a shuttle back to my apartment. It is basically a 3-hour drive, but I always enjoy it because we drive right through downtown Manhattan. Times Square and Broadway were packed with people on Christmas night. It was amazing to me to see the throngs of people who wanted to spend their holiday with strangers, bright neon lights, and concrete. (Maybe they were Hanukkah or Kwanzaa celebrators? BTW, do you know of anyone who really celebrates Kwanzaa? Just wondering.)

And the final highlight of my 2008 Christmas celebration was flying into SLC on Saturday for my Dad's family Christmas party. Because of some scheduling conflicts, we ended up having the party after Christmas this year, which worked out for me because I was able to attend since the airline could only work me so many days around the holidays. It may not have seemed like a big deal, but my Dad's family party is part of my holiday tradition. We play a white elephant game that we all seriously anticipate for the entire year, all competing for the funniest or coolest gift. The first gift I opened was a Bart Simpson Chia Pet; but it was soon taken in the game and I ended up with a Christmas book. Anyway, my point is that it is one tradition that I didn't miss out on. I did miss my Mom's family party but I was just grateful to have enjoyed whatever I could this year... And my Mom saved me a piece of her breakfast casserole that she makes on Christmas morning. That was a real treat for me. :)

I guess what I am getting to in all of this is that this year I realized that Christmas isn't really a day, it is a season. So even though I was working on Christmas Day, I still feel like I had a nice Christmas. And to be honest, without all the hype of opening presents on Christmas morning, I realized my favorite parts of Christmas are what really make Christmas special... traditions, spending time with family, and the thoughtfulness and sacrifice of others. Thank you for the Christmas cards with pictures of your sweet families. It really meant a lot to me to be remembered. To those I was able to spend time with, know that it was the highlight of my holiday season. And to those of you who spent time and effort to make my holiday special, thank you. I will always remember my first Christmas working away from home.

Deep Thoughts by Patti

{#1} I am in Denver for a few days before I start my two-weeks of work over Christmas. My parents are also here. Driving around with them reminded me of an incident that happened while I was in Colorado a few years ago... before I lived here. So I asked my parents, "Did I ever tell you about the time I got pulled over for throwing a cigarette out my window?" Their response was probably the same as yours, "YOU WERE SMOKING?!?!" Hello?!? Of course not! That's why it was so ironic. A cop pulled us over and said he had just seen us throw a cigarette out our window and that littering is a $1000 fine. My friend and I just looked at each other in bewilderment and then told the cop that was impossible because we hadn't even opened our windows and certainly hadn't thrown anything out--especially a cigarette. I pointed out that our car obviously didn't smell like smoke and that he wouldn't find one bit of evidence (matches, cigarettes, a pack, etc.) in our car because we don't smoke--at all. I suggested that it came from another car and somehow had bounced off our car when they threw it out. He STILL looked like he didn't believe us so I blurted out, "Sir, I promise: We don't smoke. We're Mormons!" What could he say to that? So he let us go while the real culprit was now long gone. Do real smokers ever get cited for littering? Argghhh! The moral of this story--don't get caught smoking, even if you aren't smoking. And if you do, just tell them you are Mormon.
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{#2} As my brother-in-law put my nephew in the car this morning he told him we were going to the church for the ward Christmas breakfast. My 3-year-old nephew said, "But Dad, where's your tie?" Hahahaha! He is getting so smart. When we played Memory tonight there was a parrot card (except it was labeled as a macaw.) I asked him what it was called, fully prepared to teach him that it is a parrot because who really calls them macaws? But he said "a macaw" as if it were the dumbest question I had ever asked him. I guess he schooled me, eh?! Go, Diego Go! (That's the cartoon he watches where he learns about animals and so we bought the Diego memory game with all animals.) Then, the other day I was getting him out of the car and as I held him in the sunlight, he thoughtfully looked at my eyes and said, "Your eyes are purple." "No," I said, "my eyes are brown." He then insisted, "No, your eyes are purple!" I remembered that I had put on purple eyeliner that day. I laughed and told him he was right-- that around my eyes is purple. Most males I know (with all due respect) don't even notice when I chop 6 inches off of my hair, let alone when I change shades of make-up...I told you he is smart. :) The moral of these stories--don't underestimate what you can learn from a 3 year old. And never call a macaw a parrot or you will sound stupid.
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{#3} I had a great time with my friend Jen when she came out last week. It was "short, but sweet." We wandered around Temple Square for a bit. I was so exhausted from working that I let her hang out and sleep in my hotel room with her sisters (I was laying over in SLC) and I went to bed early at my parents' house. She loved a night away from her busy life as a mom. Now I have a current picture to share of my beautiful friend. She has four kids and is still like a size 0. She looks great and just rocks! She's like the Energizer Bunny and I'm not even kidding. The moral of this story--a true friend will understand when you are too tired to play, even if she flew from out of state to see you. (Thanks, Jen!)
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{#4} I stopped in Atlanta to visit family after I finished my rotation last week. I saw my cousins' new baby and their energetic five-year-old twins. This is a picture of them from last Summer. It is sooo them! As I was flying home from Atlanta (as a passenger) I was sitting in a window seat. It was nighttime and it was pretty dark except for the guy in front of me had his light on--but he was sleeping. So the couple in the middle and aisle seat next to Sleeping Man decided they could make out... like serious, grabbing-each-others'-faces, making out. Hello!! At least they were married, and possibly were returning from a honeymoon, but still. They were practically in the spotlight for all to see because of the other guy's reading light. I kept thinking, "Get a room," but then I realized the only private "room" on the plane is the bathroom... and that image was just scary. I don't know why people "join" the mile high club in a lavatory--they are soooo gross, like outhouses almost. Not very romantic or sanitary, but to each his own (unless I have to listen to it which, thank goodness, I haven't or I SO would be pounding down the door! It reminds me of my years at Victoria's Secret--but that's a story for another day.) So I tried not to watch their hour-long make out session. But I'm not gonna lie, I think more than being annoyed, I was just plain jealous, lol. :) Sigh. The moral of this story--don't make out on airplanes because everyone can see you.
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{#5} I've decided to throw myself into my work for a while and not worry about dating. Not that I'm ruling it out, but it's so hard to keep a relationship going when I'm always travelling. I am constantly juggling my schedule and it is exhausting. I now understand why so many FA's are called "cat ladies" because they are 60 years old and never took time to date, so all they have for "family" are cats and so they just work all the time. I'm not on the cat lady fast track just yet (because I really don't like cats), but I've realized I'm like Julia Roberts' character in the Runaway Bride: I have no idea what kind of eggs I like. In case you haven't seen it or don't remember, she always changes her preferences based on who she is dating and what they like. I'm afraid I'm kind of like that. So I'm going to try and figure out what kind of "eggs" I really like. I was in one relationship or another for almost 14 years straight and the past year of not really being in one has actually been really hard for me. I have felt a little lost without cues as to what I should like. But I've been too busy whining about how lonely it can feel, instead of seeing it as an opportunity. So I'm going to savor my singlehood long enough to figure out who I am without the influence of a boyfriend, friend or my parents. Obviously there is something I need to learn in all of this. Sometimes I wonder if I "signed up" for this "class" in heaven before I came to Earth. Do you ever wonder what you agreed to do and go through in this life before you actually got here? ...Just something I've been thinking about lately. The moral of this story--don't whine about things you have to do or go through because they might just be opportunities in disguise. Make sure you know what kind of eggs you like. And don't ever become a cat lady.
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I hope everyone is enjoying the holiday season. Take time for the people you love. Take time for yourself. And know that I will be thinking of you all and hoping you are enjoying the season as much as I am. Love to all! ~p

P.S. I don't really like eggs at all. But when I do feel like eating them, it's scrambled with cheese. This I know for sure. But please, PLEASE, intervene if I ever get a cat.

Today I Am Happy Because...

One of my best-est friends in the whole world is moving back to Utah. Kim's husband just finished law school and so they are coming home! I have such awesome friends, even if I am bad at keeping in touch. It will be fun to have her here. Welcome back, Kimmie!

I played the Wii tonight with my friend. Rayman Raving Rabbids 2 has got to be the coolest game EVER!

I am making caramels tomorrow. YUM!

My parents have their Christmas tree up (with a lot of help from me, lol) and it is beautiful. It feels good to be at my parents this time of year. I could say it feels like home, but really, it IS home! Even though I still technically live in Colorado, there is no place like Mom and Dad's.

One of my other best-est friends is coming to Utah this Sunday to spend her birthday with her sisters and me. We pretty much never stop talking when we are together so I am resting up. Happy birthday, Jen! Can't wait to see you. (And sorry, I couldn't find a pic of us?!?)

Today I am happy, just because. :)

Confessions of a Sky Princess: **Celebrity Sighting!**

So Richard Simmons and I are good buds now. Hahahaha. But he did give me lots of much-needed kisses... just on the cheeks. (It's been a few weeks since I had lovin' on any level... sigh!) And I didn't even have to "sweat to the oldies"!

He was on one of my recent flights from NYC to LA and I just have to say that he is one of the nicest, funniest, and warmest people I have met. He is currently working as the spokesperson for Ocean Spray and spent Thanksgiving at Macy's in New York promoting cranberries and was on his way home the next day. When he got on board he immediately hugged and kissed the cheeks of the flight attendants at the boarding door. When I found out I was a little jealous. So he gave me a hug and lots of little cheek kisses and then sat and talked with us for a good half of an hour. He talked about how is trying to get P.E. back into the schools and encourage kids to exercise more. He is really a great guy and was more than happy to let me take a picture "for my mom" because she used to do his "Sweatin' to the Oldies" videos in the 80's when I was kid.

I don't see too many celebrities on my flights so I thought it was kind of fun. I did see Brenda Strong at JFK once. (Not my pic, but she was dressed similarly.) She is the lady who plays Mary Alice (the dead neighbor) on Desperate Housewives. She came up and asked me for directions. Unfortunately, I was brand new and wasn't much help as I was lost in that maze-of-an-airport, too. I have since figured out my way around, but haven't had the chance to give any celebrities directions.

I once saw Diane Lane, her husband Josh Brolin, and their daughters at a restaurant in Santa Monica. (Again, not my pic but similar to how they looked when I saw them.) That's my most famous celebrity sighting if you don't count that I was an extra in a movie with Brooke Shields and some other famous people whose names I can't recall. (One was a guy from that show, Simon and Simon... yeah, I'm old!) I also had some famous German talk show host on my flight from Frankfurt, but since I had no idea who she was, it doesn't really count. I think I saw some local Utah newscaster on a flight to SLC once, but I couldn't remember his name--so I guess he's not that famous, lol. That's about it for my celebrity sightings.

Please share who your most famous celebrity sighting is (besides a concert, lol). If I see anyone else of note, I'll let you know!