No News is Not Always Good News

So here's how last week went for me...

Sunday: broke up with Ryan
Monday: stayed in bed all day and didn't talk to anyone
Tuesday: had a breast biopsy
Wednesday: stayed in bed all day and didn't talk to anyone--this time with an ice pack attached to my breast
Thursday: left for work and didn't sleep all night due to a raging toothache which I couldn't take pain meds for because I was still "post-op"
Friday: called the dentist whose office was closed
Saturday: stayed in bed all day drugged up on Valium and pain meds (that I could finally take)

Here's how this week went for me:

Sunday: worked
Monday: worked
Tuesday: worked
Wednesday: went to the dentist, twice, and did laundry
Thursday: worked
Friday (today): slept in until 1pm and updated my blog

I know everyone wants details about my breakup but I'm having a really hard time with it. I'm sad, frustrated, angry, hurt, confused, and about every other emotion. Although I'm not usually short on words, all I can say is that despite everything he said to me, Ryan is emotionally unavailable like every other guy I've ever dated. He is not over his divorce, or his ex-wife for that matter... it has been almost a year and a half. He knows it's messed up that he can't move on, especially with someone he has the utmost respect for--which is why he feels I deserve better than someone who can't give me his whole heart. He needs therapy, and now so do I. But really, I would just like to get a puppy. And get rid of my breasts. I have no husband to enjoy them, no babies who need them, and not only are they so small that the doc could hardly get enough tissue to properly sample, but they are so problem-laden that I would like to just do without them. (A puppy doesn't care if you have breasts or not.) I do not have breast cancer, just worrisome calcium deposits and fluid-filled cysts. Problematic enough, however, that I am now required to get annual mammograms. And because I have never "used" my breasts, they are not elastic and therefore require so much pulling, tugging, and squeezing to get a proper mammogram that I will have to take a Valium next time so I don't get queasy and lightheaded like I did the first time. I guess at least they will get some "use."

Good times. THIS is why I haven't updated my blog...

I try to live by the creed, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all," -Thumper. But the first thing my cousin asked me after getting the scoop on Ryan is, "What are you going to put on your blog?" I didn't want to put anything. But I felt I must put something so everyone wouldn't go on being falsely elated for me. I do not, however, want sympathy. It doesn't help and it makes me feel patronized. It will all be OK in the end. If it's not OK, then it isn't the end. Life goes on. It always does.