You're Gonna Love This One...

My replacement credit cards came in the mail the day I left to go back to work. That was Tuesday. Today is Friday (because even though it is 3AM Saturday morning, I haven't gone to bed yet so, to me, Saturday doesn't start until I go to bed and wake up again.) I am still waiting for my pin numbers to come in the mail so I have an ATM card again, and so I can use my debit card instead of my credit card.

I decided to be smart this time and put my credit and debit cards into their own tiny little wallet so when I go to purchase something, I don't have to get out my entire wallet (which I now have back, yeah!!), and the tiny wallet fits into my pocket so I can't leave it any where... See how much trouble I have to go to in order to work around my absentmindedness and my retarded brain function?!? So I thought my new plan was brilliant. That is until tonight.

I was taking the subway home from the airport but my metro card was empty. So I pulled it out of wallet which, by the way, had the whole entire $12 cash removed by whomever turned it in (which was fine because I was just glad to have it back). Then I pulled out my tiny credit card wallet so I could use a bank card to put money on the metro card. (Are you following all this? ...Two cards, two wallets, and one absent-minded flight attendant.) To make sure I didn't leave my wallet, I put it back in my bag when I pulled out the metro card. After putting more money on my metro card, I stuck it in my pant pocket (so I didn't have to pull out my wallet and risk leaving it behind.) Then I stuck my tiny card wallet into my coat pocket so I didn't leave it behind. Now all of these careful steps were orchestrated with great care in my mind so as not to leave something behind. Then I got on the subway with my friend Emily who I had met on the trip I had just finished working.

We had a lovely conversation on the 20-30 minute subway ride home. (Can you see where this is going?) Thankfully, we decided to stop at an all-night cafe and grab a quick bite before heading back to our crashpads. We put our bags at a table and she went to order. I was still looking for my wallet. Had I really put it in my coat pocket? Maybe the secret pockets (that I learned about after I thought I lost my cell phone the night before until I had someone call it and it rang from said secret pocket. Apparently I had inadvertently placed it there.) Nope, not there. But I still had my blazer pockets, my vest pockets and my pant pockets (yes, far to many pockets for a girl who has trouble keeping track of things.) Buuuutttt... no where. So I searched my bag. Had I put it away? No, I was very careful to put it where I wouldn't accidentally leave it behind. Oh wait, didn't someone bump up against me in the subway while I was rambling on to my friend?!? ...And I begin to laugh, hysterically!!! I had been pick-pocketed on the NYC Subway! Have I ever mentioned how much I dislike New York? And did I mention that as I sat down on a subway seat, everyone moved down to make room for my friend to which I commented, "Thank you so much. I don't care what anybody says, New Yorkers are the nicest people!" Yes, I really said that just minutes before I was the victim of good ol' fashioned New York theft. Seriously. But I was glad that we stopped to eat or I might not have realized its absence until my bank account was drained.

I know, I know, I had it coming... wallet in pocket on subway, not paying attention because of great conversation, and seeming so nice and unassuming of New Yorkers. Yes, I brought this upon myself. Ironically, I am always so alert when I ride the subway so as not be taken advantage of. But I am usually alone and not distracted. However, it was after midnight and I have a rule not to take the subway at night by myself. Maybe I just try too hard and have too many rules and methods to try and stay safe and sane. But really, I DON'T EVEN HAVE MY PIN NUMBERS YET, PEOPLE!! Let me at least enjoy my cards for a week before having to cancel them yet again and order new ones. Maybe they will re-activate my old cards since I have them back now. However, maybe whoever stole the cash from my wallet wrote the numbers down. Scratch that. Arrrrgggghhh! It really sucks to be this stupid.

So as I'm looking for my tiny wallet and realizing it is not there, I tell Emily (as I am laughing) that I think my tiny wallet was stolen on the subway. She looks at me oddly (probably because I am laughing and she knew about my lost purse and wallet) and asks me if I am OK. I tell her I am fine. And really, I was and am. I mean, how many people can say they got pick-pocketed in New York? OK, probably a lot. But how many can say it happened after receiving new cards only days earlier because you had to cancel your previous ones? And furthermore, I thought of you, my dear friends and readers, and how you would relish this story. All I could say was, "Well, it will make a great blog story," which, sadly, is about the only thing I can say after such a mis-adventure (AGAIN!!) So thank you for helping me find the humor in this because, really, you gotta admit, it IS pretty dang funny.

I got home and immediately checked my bank account. No charges, whew! So I paid every bill for the month on my credit card so I could max it out and then transferred every bit of money from my checking and savings accounts into my mom's bank account so there is no way anyway can get to it. Why, you ask, did I just not call and cancel them? Besides the fact that my bank will probably not allow me to have any more cards, I'm honestly afraid that I will wake up tomorrow and somehow find them in the depths of my bags. Yup, that's happened to me before with some car keys--I bet you're incredibly surprised by this bit of information. But that was in high school at a dance (back when my mind was young and undamaged.) My date was on crutches and we walked back and forth across Trolley Square for two hours backtracking and looking for those darn keys. In the end, I found them in the bottom of my purse while I was in the ladies room with my friend Sarah re-checking it and also re-checking my purse while he wasn't watching. We decided to go to the lost and found and then tell him someone had turned them in. (Yes, I lied... Now you know all my dirty little secrets.) Would you have told the poor hobbling fella the truth?!? Yeah, didn't think so. We made it to the dance just in time for one dance and to take a picture before it ended. I held the keys slyly in my hand for the shot, but only because my group made me. And by the way, that is the only other major thing I had ever misplaced until P.A. (post-accident). And then I was losing everything, my passport pictures, my band new iPod charger, and a slew of other things. It really sucks to go from being sharp and witty to one product short of a proper make-up kit... Can you imagine doing all of your make-up except for blush or mascara?!? Or not having your eyelash curler? That's how I feel. Like I'm walking around with something missing. And I simply cannot wear eyeshadow and/or liner without mascara. It's just well, you know, not right!

But I digress (another big surprise.) I think I was talking about how I am waiting to cancel my cards until tomorrow, just in case. Because that would really save me another big headache in ordering new cards and waiting for them and then waiting even longer for the pin numbers that go with them. Emily, who had a brain injury several years ago, assured me TBI (traumatic brain injury) heals after about two years, so hopefully this will soon pass and I will enjoy normal brain function again. Until then, if anyone finds my mind, please let me know. I think I left it somewhere.

P.S. I'm not obsessed with credit cards, but it is the easiest thing to use while traveling and also to keep track of my work expenditures. And actually, I usually use my debit card.

P.P.S. I'm soooo over making up pretty pictures to add to my blog stories, because obviously if I have lost something, I don't have a picture of it. And besides, the pictures of me in New Orleans from my previous post are somehow all squished now so I look short and fat. Sigh. So no pictures today, OK? That means you'll just have to suck it up like a big girl and read the novel without any pictures. Just for me. Just for today.