Aw Schucks!

My friends are sooooo nice. That would be why you are my friends. You are all so supportive of my blog. Unfortunately, today I am only here to ramble, or vent, rather.

I once told my cousin, Jenn, that every guy I have dated has said I am the nicest girl they have ever dated. She responded that maybe that was my problem. (We were discussing, or rather I was lamenting, about my singlehood.) However, let me just reinforce the saying that "Hell hath no fury like a women scorned." "Nice" went out the door for me today. Sorry, loves, no details, but I will say that I surprised myself by reacting in a manner so unlike me to a recent situation with a guy. OK, a few details. Am I alone in thinking that Facebook is retarded in that the "Wall" is sometimes used for such crap as playing little mind games? I'm sure of all my friends would never stoop to such levels, but some people might as well just spray paint their message on a real wall (or a bathroom stall for that matter.) Tacky. Classless. If it's a personal message, send a text or email for cryin' out loud. But for a girl to put on a guy's website something like "You were wonderful this weekend. Have a nice day" in my opinion, has claw marks written all over it. When I pointed this out to the guy, he said I was overreacting. And boy did I overreact then! I mean, who does that but someone who is trying to send a message to his other readers that he is "taken" (though he says they're not together). I wasn't hurt or really jealous, just completely annoyed that he couldn't see through her little game, and worse, that I end up looking like the insecure, bitchy girl. Whatever. It's not like I posted about the nice weekend he and I spent together... and I refrained specifically so as not to hurt this particular girl's feelings because I know she feels insecure about he much he likes me. You see, supposedly they've broken up several times and "she just keeps coming back," ...so he says. Who needs this garbage, anyway? Movin' on... but I'm still pissed about it, and I rarely stay mad about anything.

As for all the jealousy over my travels. Here's the truth... it's still just a job. And try as I may to glamorize it in my own mind, it is still just a job. You see, it's fun to go to places all over the world, but when you're not sharing it with someone special, it takes away some of the magic. But at least I can share my pictures of it with all of you and you can live vicariously through me, although I would be just as happy living vicariously through all of you with your handsome husbands and cute little kiddies. You see, being a nurturer is in my blood; and getting blankets and peanuts for complete strangers just doesn't cut it. Nope, not the same. Thank goodness for my sister and her husband for being so generous in sharing their home and family with me to fill up that void a bit. But I wouldn't mind a place of my own, too--it just sounds so lonely. So for now I will continue to be a parasite, living off of the generosity of others. But I do pitch in and they love, but love, having a babysitter handy. And I cook a lot. Tidy... not so much, but I have a houseful of stuff in a little itty bitty room (what hasn't been crammed into my storage unit and their garage.) But I am eternally grateful for that little room. We've seen some good times together. OK, and some really crappy times like all the months I was curled up in a ball in bed all day while still reeling physically and emotionally from my accident. (Of course, I couldn't assume the balled up position for a few months while my broken bones healed, but you get the idea.)

Speaking of which, (insert drum roll here), the topic everyone loves (not)... my accident. I'm sorry if I go on and on about it. It drives my Dad crazy. But it has had such a profound effect on my life. I would go through it all again for what I gained. However, despite my gratitude (isn't it funny how people always are so "lucky" after an accident...?!?), when I recently passed the year mark, I kind of went into an emotional funk. So I talked to my doctor about it (yeah, I had to see a shrink, but she's great--best friends with my therapist and married to my dentist) and she said that is pretty normal... and then she refused to take me off the medication she has me on for sleep and anxiety. Sigh. I swear it made me gain weight and is keeping it there until I get off of it.
So now you know I'm a little messed up, but what'd ya expect after such an ordeal?!? I like to think I'm handling it well, but I lost a little faith in myself after I started feeling all vulnerable again. But that is now sooo last month. Obviously I have new things to think about and make me feel vulnerable, like my new-found bitchiness. I swear it's not PMS, just an explosion of emotions that were bound to come out some time. Nothing like a man to bring out the worst in you. Arrgghh! And yet I complain about being single. I just have to keep telling myself that all men are not that dumb or blind. But oh yeah, it was me. Silly Patti, you're just overreacting. Girls don't play little games like that. She was just saying she had a nice weekend. Whatever!?! I don't play those kinds of games but I know that most girls do. Perhaps, yet again, another reason for me not being married. But don't worry my friends, apparently I am getting closer to my goal by not being nice and learning to play games. (Of course, no offense intended to those of you who are married--that would be all of you-- I think my theory only applies as the dating game gets more complicated with age. I'm sure you all never had to stoop to such measures to snag your men.) But don't get all excited that I'm dating. It's not like that at all. Just a little thing that is not going anywhere anytime soon. Especially not now. Did I ever tell you about the waiter my cousins got to take me out after we all had lunch together? Not only was he smoking when I showed up at the theater, but in the middle of the show he sweetly says, "Excuse me. I'll be right back... I gotta take a piss." Yes, he really said that. So don't go gettin' all excited for me. It just ain't lookin' so bright for me right now. But heh, there's always LDSSingles.com. Someone far away would be good...

So as not to leave on such an irritable note, here are a few more Star Wars quotes to toss around... (I love those movies!)

"Dwell on the could haves, we must not. Focus on the solution, we must...." Yoda
"Many of the truths that we cling to depend on our point of view." OB1-Wan Kenobi
"Named must your fear be, before banish it you can." Yoda